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Written at 10:11 a.m. on Wednesday, Oct. 20, 2004

Sometimes amongst all the kicking and screaming, we cant hear reality over all of the noise. And when I say "noise", I really mean the neurotic little voices in my head...and when I say "we", I really mean ME. I'm starting to think I may have problems.

I need to stop assuming that I know all the circumstances in a particular situation without a little guidance. It had been eating me up all day yesterday at work. It litterally consumed my day. So I prepared myself for a long talk with two 40's of beer and a little bottle of Aftershock on my way home. I get home and walk in my room...and everything is rearranged and everything is so clean. He had spent a big majority of the day cleaning my room. It looked so nice...but I was still pissed off inside. The carpet had been vaccuumed, the bed had been made, the laundry had been done, the cat had been fed and the bathroom had been cleaned.

I sat down with him and talked to him about this "trip". First, he didnt even remember it. Then, when I asked him if she already knew he was coming, he said, "Of course have to remember that this woman took my children...she gets no heads up on anything". Then I asked when...and he said he didnt know because he didnt have the money for it right now. Basically, in the world of Matt, things are alot of talking with very little action. Two years later you'd think I'd be quicker. Right now, he's not planning on going anywhere. So for now, the ocean is calm until the enxt typhoon hits...which it will. I'll dea with it when it comes.

We ended up spending the rest of the night laying in bed talking. He had lit about 20 candles and put on soft jazz. It was so nice with it raining outside. I had almost forgotten where I was and who I was with.

So I think tonight I'm going to do the same thing. I'm going to stay in out of this rain and stay warm. Oh, and fight the neurotic little voices who refuse to let me be happy.

***Sidenote: I really do not hear little voices in my head...its a metaphor ONLY. I'm not entirely sane, but I'm not that insane either. :)~