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Written at 2:23 p.m. on Friday, Nov. 26, 2004

I cant even explain in words exactly how sad I am right now. Today was the day Monique left for Arizona.

I got up and headed over to her house. She had most of the trailer and her van filled by then. Her brother and sister-in-law were loading boxes. She would barely speak to me. I ended up on baby-patrol for most of the time I was there. I had to hold her niece so that everyone could pack or move furniture. My arms are so sore today.

About an hour into it, her brother told her that the trailer was almost full and it was coming down to picking and choosing what came...what wasnt important was getting left behind. And boy, did she leave some stuff behind. And that's what I'm sad about. There is so much of her life left behind that she didnt take. It almost looks like someone still lives there. Her sofas...her coffee tables...her entertainment center...her tv...her dining room table and chairs...her book shelves...stuff like that. And all of her cabinets and drawers all still had stuff in it. It breaks my heart.

So I went back last night with Matt and picked up some stuff that I think she might want. I figure I'll hold on to it and give it her down the road when I see her. Just stuff I think she'll kick herself for leaving behind later on. Besides, in three more days her stuff is all going into dumpsters and community property for the neighborhood. And I think thats sad. There's some stuff that I dont want just any Joe Schmoe getting. Picking at little pieces of her life that sje had to leave behind. It really makes me sad.

I just feel like I'm losing more than just a friend. I'm losing a sanctuary. Her house is the only place that I could go to and totally feel protected from everything on the other side of the door. I had no worries. I asked Matt last night where I'm supposed to go now when he makes me mad. He said not to get mad at him anymore. Well, dont make me mad at you in the first place.

I'm also losing family. Its been her family that I've spent every holiday with for the last 5 years. So its officially just me out here now.

And I'm not really liking that.

So I made her a promise that twice a year I'd meet her in Vegas. And I told her I loved her, gave her a hug...and said goodbye. A thing I'm not very good at. I know she's picking a path in her life that's taking her in a different direction, but I know her....she's doing what's right for her.

(NOTE: It took me so long to write that out, that its now Sunday afternoon at 2:48 pm)