Sick and tired of this world, there's no one here...tripping over myself, going nowhere...waiting, suffocating, no direction...I took a dive
Written at 6:42 p.m. on Thursday, Dec. 16, 2004
Okay, as promised (because I always keep my promise) here's that longer entry. Only because I promise and, well, I'm just drunk enough to say it...
So the deal is...I HATE HIM! I mean really, really cant stand the sight, smell, sound, touch...and that other sense...of him.
I havent been able to look him directly in the face now for about, oh, a month. And I know its just as easy as GET YOUR SHIT AND GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. Well, its not that easy. For one, okay and only, I dont do the whole alone thing very well. I've never really been alone. There was Curtis, then there was Matt. And only a small period in between of alone time. And well, with Monique, and Angel, and everyone gone, well, I really dont want to spend the holidays by myself. And I keep thinking "Okay, well I have to wait until my birthday, because I dont want to spend my birthday alone"...and then it was "Okay, after Thanksgiving, because I dont want to spend Thanksgiving alone"...and then it was my company Christmas party and then Christmas. Well, I could be waiting until next Columbus day at this rate. And I dont really feel like waiting anymore. I guess its just time for me to pull the bandaid off and face what's been slapping me dead in the face for the past three years...I AM NOT MEANT TO BE WITH THIS PERSON.
I have been picking arguments with him...nothing changes. I've been telling him that if he doesnt pull his head out of his ass, I'm gonna start seeing other people...nothing changes. Nothing ever freakin' changes. (Damn, I guess I guess I get a little less explicit when I've been drinking)
So this morning, he gets up and starts yelling about my cat. "Either he goes, or I go". My response..."Buh-BYE!" I have had my cat for 7 years now and I'm not giving him away for some first-class ass.
So as I got off work, I was wondering about whether or not he'd be there...at all. Then I started imagining watching whatever I wanted on tv...without the sound of this bird chirping in the background the entire time, never shutting up. And about how it would feel to sleep in my king size bed all alone...without this snoring, farting beast.
SO, umm, yeah...I'LL DO THE ALONE THING FINE...fucking asshole. (Oh look, I can curse)