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Good intentions, you had many...
Written at 6:23 p.m. on Thursday, Dec. 23, 2004

I can not wait for Christmas to be over with. I hate the holidays. Ok, really I dont hate Christmas...just what it stands for. Ok, really I dont hate what it stands for...just what it has become.

Instead of standing in long ass lines buying shit that isnt even for me, I'd rather be with my loved ones. I feel so far away from EVERYONE and so very sick to my stomache at the thought. If I had it my way, I'd be anywhere but here for the holidays. Its a little too late to attempt to get a flight back to MD, but I can keep a little flicker of hope that I will see a full tank of gas, directions to Monique's house...and this place in my rearview mirror.

On the bright side, I have three days off work. Three nice, hopefully long, days off work. Today we had a little Christmas lunch at thr office. It was nice...way too much food. I got some cute little gifts from co-workers, including a nice scarf from the marketing director that I've recently befriended. I think she made it herself.

So tonight I am going to sit home like Mr. Scrooge just waiting for the holidays to be over with. Keep the ghost of Christmas past away...I've had enough flashbacks. Speaking of which, I got a call from Chris tonight. The last time I heard from him was that voicemail, "I'll be in L.A. at ten tonight". That was almost two weeks ago...and he's back in Hawaii now. After 20 mins of explaining how let down I am by that, all I got was about a million apologies and an offer for $500 bucks. Now what the hell is that gonna do for me now? I mean really. I can think of several things I can do with $500 bucks. Would I like the money? Umm, sure. Do I really think he would sent it had I'd taken him up on it? Magic 8-ball says HIGHLY UNLIKELY!

What would make it better is if I didnt have all of these people in my life constantly letting me down, saying they're gonna do things that they dont. Chris said, "I had every intention..." Which I am sure that he did. No one ever got anywhere with good intentions, but rather with actions. And no one is giving me actions...just a bunch of meaningless words. It reminds of why we didnt last in the first place.

FUCK! Forget Mr. Scrooge. I wanna be Rip Van Winkle and sleep for a hundred years...maybe a thousand.

Bring on the spiked egg nog!