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But since you've been gone I can breathe for the first time...I'm so moving on
Written at 10:16 p.m. on Sunday, May. 01, 2005

So, wow, this weekend has been pretty damn good for the most part.

Today I met up with my friend Rebecca. I had thoroughly intended to go and get my hair done. When we got there, they told me they werent going to be open long enough to do it. So I'm going back tomorrow. I am going to get a medium brown with light brown highlights. I cant wait. I am doing it now for me. Matt had always wanted it that color. I did too...but I wanted to get it done for me and I didnt want him in any way thinking I was doing it for him.

So yeah, round #8,972 went down today. Tonight I went with my roommate to the hospital to see her sister who just had a baby. That is when the text messages started. First one...Please call and cancel my dentist appointment. I didnt answer. An hour later...Did you get my message? Again, I didnt reply. About 20 minutes ago...Fuck you then. Hmmm, fuck me then. It took everything I had not to write back...I'm not you wife, not your mother. Be a grown up and cancel your own damn appointment. Oh, and FUCK YOU TOO! But I didnt. Only because if I did, it only plays right in to him. And I am not giving him the satisfaction. I hope he's sitting at home writhing in it wondering why I'm not replying...or wondering what I am doing and with whom. Eat it up asshole. (Bitter much)

So, like yeah, I am so over this and at first I was feeling like I needed to put someone (anyone) in the picture so that I could completely get him out of it. Foolish girl I am. I dont need to do that. I am totally happy just being alone. Its more peaceful for me. And really, truth is, I am happy enough with myself to not have to rely on any one person to bring me my happiness.

Last night, my friend Rebecca wanted me to go with her to get a tattoo. I was thinking of maybe getting another one. A long time ago, Matt had given me a card with two ladybugs on the cover. They're standing on leaves and its raining. One ladybug is holding an umbrella over the other. So I was thinking of getting a tattoo of a ladybug holding an umbrella over itself. Because I dont need anyone to hold an umbrella over me...I'll hold my own umbrella thank you very much.

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