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Lean on me when your not strong...
Written at 9:46 p.m. on Tuesday, Jun. 07, 2005

So yeah, today I didnt feel like jumping in front of a bus. That's good. Today was pretty good.

First off, I have to say that I have the BEST friends ever. All of them.

My day started off with a phone call from Lauren. I spent almost an hour on the phone with her last night. So this morning she calls me, "Hey, I just wanted to see how you are and make sure you're okay". And we made plans to go out tomorrow night. We're going to go to "Cheers" and drink and karaoke and have fun. Its going to be fun.

Then Windy called me. She invited me over for dinner. Her boyfriend cooked us lasagna. So we sat on her floor and took a walk down memory lane. She confessed that she never liked Matt and frankly thought he was an asshole. No argument there. This saturday she is having a girl's night/slumber party. All I have to bring is myself and chocolate.

Even Angel, hundreds of miles away, brightened my day. She called me at work this afternoon. And all I could think of is how badly I want her to still live here. To be able to go over to her house like I used to do. And we'd lay on her sofas drinking wine and watching movies until we fell asleep and got up and did it all again. Somehow, it made all of the bad shit fade away. Talking to her today was good too. I really, truly felt better after I talked to her.

See I have the most awesome friends. I love them dearly.

My aunt called me tonight also. She wants me to take a weekend and fly up to visit her in Seattle. She wants me to feel the place out and consider moving there. "I mean really Tracey, what do you have holding you there? A bunch of bad memories. You have no family there and they are the staple of your life. Think about it." So I am going to go up for 4th of July weekend and look around.

The only slightly down side of my day was Ty, the guy I went out with last night. He woke me up this morning with a text message...at 6 am. Something about how gorgeous my eyes are. So he called me later on...at 9...at 12...at 3...at 5...and again at 6. I didnt answer any of his calls and the only reason he got me at 6 was the fact that he called from an L.A. number that I didnt recognize. The conversation went something like I said hello and he yelled alot. He was bitching that he called me all day and I didnt call back. First off, I was at work...you know, that place you go to everyday where they pay you to actually, umm, work. Then I got off work and my aunt had called. AND bare in mind that of all the times he called, he didnt bother to leave a message once. So I didnt bother to call back. To this bullshit all I can say is...I am not ready to have someone in my life again that is going to yell at me in any way. That just isnt going to happen. I will never let anyone have that much control over me ever again.

Wow, speaking of friends. Its now almost 11:30 and my friend Emily just called. I guess she's going through something right now too and needs someone to talk to. So she's on her way over. I feel complimented that I'm the one she called. We never seem to skip a beat no matter how long its been.

So its 12:45 now and she just left. We talked. More, she talked and I listened. I am trying to be better that way and not always focus everything on me. She did ask about Matt. When I told her about what hapenned, all she could say was "He better never run in to me. Either way, you always deserved better than him." And also she said what everyone else keeps saying, "I never really liked him. I just let him come around for you". That seems to be the major consensus.

So yeah...I really am fine. And someday I'll be great.

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