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Written at 11:28 a.m. on Monday, Dec. 12, 2005

I had the most relaxing weekend. I did my hour massage, facial and microdermabrasion treatment. It was very nice.

I can totally see why and how people get so wrapped up in all the cosmetic crap. It sucks you in. They had me sitting in this waiting room watching Botox videos. I have to fully admit, when I get older and if my aging process is progressing much too fast, I would cling on with both hands and do some of this stuff. Just sitting there waiting, I was looking over their brochures in a "What else you got?" frame of mind. So not good for a person already obsessing about things. I think for now I'll settle with the microdermabrasion every 6-8 weeks.

Sunday was relaxing. Charlie and I sat around watching movies. I baked a cake for us to snack on. He's so cute. I think because he was able to pick me up once, he's trying to prove that it wasn't a fluke. That he can do it again. I think its adorable, don't get me wrong. And I have every confidence that he can do it too. Its not that. Its a total "me" thing. Even after losing 130 lbs., I will always see the fat girl in the mirror. So it makes me a little self-conscious when he does that.

But on the grand scale of things, they are great. I have no complaints about this one. None at all. He knows what he can do, what he cant do and what he shouldn't even attempt to do. I mean, I'm not trying to get the man to coward down to me. Its just the mutual respect that I'm chasing. For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I've got it. Its a very nice feeling.

The only down point I had this weekend was reading the Sunday paper with him yesterday. I was very sad to hear that Richard Pryor had passed away. He was diagnosed with MS around the same time as my father. They both progressed much more in their first year than I have three years later. So when I hear that someone with MS has gotten worse, passed away or anything bad, I feel a little more defeated than I already do. Its a blow either way. It also reminds me how I really need to take care of myself not to end up like that.

With that being said, I think I am going to start taking a yoga/pilates class. It cant hurt, right? I just need to work on strength and balance kind of stuff. So it's worth a try. Even if it only helps a little, that is better than doing nothing.

Tonight, I desperately need to go shopping. I shouldn't be spending another penny, but I have got to buy something for my company Christmas party next weekend. I have nothing that I could wear. None of my clothes fit. Even stuff I wore 6 months ago is too big to wear now. I am opting for comfort over anything. Last year I was so uncomfortable.

So that is the past, present and future of my week. No psychic needed, thanks.