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Written at 12:58 p.m. on Wednesday, Jan. 11, 2006

I'm halfway there. Halfway through the day...halfway through the week.

I came home from work yesterday. I only lasted an hour then I went home sick. I had a big headache that only went away after taking 2 of "the strong" pain killers. I like to only use them as my last resort. It was needed yesterday.

Today, I talked to the guy that I tentatively had plans with today. Today isn't going to work for either one of us. We were trying to narrow it down to another day. I was preferring Saturday during the day. That didn't work for him. I guess Saturday he has something going on at his church. And Sunday he is going to visit a nursing home to see a lady that he regularly goes to visit. That is why he's so patient with me...he's a friggin' boy scout.

Is this for real? On paper, this makes him look golden. Now if he lives up to it, that's another thing. I'm getting used to guys who, at first, seem awesome and all. Then they turn around and the true colors come out. Bright neon at that. He just seems to be too perfect. And as the saying goes, if it looks too perfect...it usually is. But I'll give him a fair chance.

I need to not go out with people because of bad past experiences. I need to remind myself that not everyone's a Matt...or a Curt...or even a Charlie.

Charlie. That's a whole other set of frustration. I don't get men. Why is it that they let you close. Then, when they decide, the walls go up as if to say "I let you as close as I want you to be." Then the push - pull fiasco begins. You back away and they pull close. Until, again, you start to come closer and the walls go back up. Push - pull. I hate it.

Whatever. No expectations...no disappointments.

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