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Written at 3:27 p.m. on Wednesday, Feb. 08, 2006

The court thing this morning wasnt too painful. It wasnt really fun, but it wasnt painful either.

I agreed to meet Matt and drive him to this thing. Since they sent his notice to appear to his address, but put my apartment number on it, he has two warrants out for his arrest for failure to appear. When we got there, we waited out front of the courthouse for it to open. When we went in was when all the rigamorale took place. They searched my pocketbook and all of the little pockets. They even went through my make-up bag. Which in turn caused a confiscation of my clippers, because there was a little pointy thing on it. He nicely looked at me, told me he had to take it, and then told me that it will be destroyed. Whatever. I was at another courthouse for jury duty two days ago and they let me in without the pat down I got today.

We finally got in to the clerk's office. He was told that he had to go to a different courthouse about 20 minutes away...even though all of his paperwork reflected this courthouse. I told him that instead of taking the entire day off today, I would go in half day today and go in half day tomorrow.

I did happen to run home before I went in to work. I turned on my computer for moments and an IM popped up. I dont know how that conversation sits with me yet. It was "S" wanting to know about this Friday. And I just felt like I was repeating the same two sentences over and over to him. He's upset that I'm up in the air about Friday night and whether I'm having to get together for out-of-town family. He was basically saying that since I havent heard back from anyone, that I should carve in stone my plans with him. I told him that if something comes up not to keep his plans hanging on my answer. This is the shit I'm talking about. The same stuff that frustrates me. I refuse to have to answer to someone again and twist my life inside out in the process. That is so not happening. I like him alot, but I wish that he understood where I'm at right now. And I know its one of those wishes where I want him to understand things without actully telling him. I just dont feel like drudging crap up that doesnt need to be.

Its strange being on this side of the fence. I'm used to being the one that wants to spend as much time as I can with someone. I'm used to be the one sitting by the phone in hopes that I'll get a call. But my stand on this isnt going to change. I need him to crawl with me for a little while, until I know its safe to stand up and attempt to walk again. I dont need to be pushed. I think he's equally as frustrated with me too.

I think for all of my mental anguish, I'm going to go shopping after work. I think its about time to buy some new clothes. I need clothes badly, nothing seems to fit. Then I'm going to go home and cook my spaghetti squash for dinner, watch the rest of House from last night and then go to bed. I have to get up tomorrow and do it all again. And I'm sure it will come with as many frustrations. (*sigh*)

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