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One more look at the ghost before I'm gonna make him leave
Written at 9:18 p.m. on Tuesday, Mar. 21, 2006

Yeah, me...and alcohol...we dont mix.

I came home still kind of upset about things. Not crying upset, but more like a Damn, that sucked kind of attitude. Then I get home and check my mail. Inside there is a letter from the District Attorney's office. Inside is the restraining order against him. It was a copy of all the paperwork he had to fill out stating he knows he cant call me or see me or even come within a mile of me. I always thought that was a cliche and it was more like 50 feet, but no, its a mile. A mile it is.

I still had the same emotions going as I did in that earlier entry. So getting the restraining order papers didnt help any. It just made me feel worse. Then I just got stupid from there. I started pounding vodka and tequila shots...then margaritas came. It was not a pretty site.

I ended up in my car. No, I DID NOT DRIVE. I'm stupid, I admit that, but I'm not quite that stupid. I sat out in my car because my cell phone reception sucks in my apartment. I went out to my car so that I could make a call. I ended up calling my friend in Colorado. He always has a way of making me feel better. When he lived down the street I would always go camp out on his sofa when I wanted to get away from things. So talking to him was the next best thing.

I ended up talking to him until his cell phone ran out of battery. A couple hours I think. Who knows, the drunk know no time. I know it was just what I needed. He's the "Snap out of it" friend. You know, the one that makes you look at things sensibly. You've let him you have to really let him go. He cant hurt you anymore unless you let him. And as always, he was right. Why am I letting him get to me? He doesnt deserve it.

I, in NO WAY, would ever consider trying to work things out. I think the dreams from last night combined with the papers in the mail combined with WAAAAAY too much alcohol just got to me in a place I really thought I had deadened. Guess I was wrong.

All I want to do is stumble my drunk ass to my big squishy king size bed and climb underneath all four blankets...and pretend this day just didnt even happen.