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Written at 11:57 a.m. on Wednesday, Mar. 29, 2006

The tax man cometh...and he taketh away.

Damn, I am so tired of owing money every year. I wont owe next year, but that doesnt help me any now. I have no idea how, but somehow I've been claiming 3 on my allowances. I can barely claim myself, so why in the hell would I claim 3? I have changed it to 0 allowances. I wont have to pay next year, I may even get money back. But that doesnt help me this year. Uncle Sam loves me. I give him alot of money every month to try and pay down what I due owe from years before. Its more like a pimp relationship if you ask me. I do all the work, he gets all the money and I dont even see it.

I made an appointment today with my tax lady. I've been going to her for the past 5 or 6 years. Curtis used to take care of that, so I never had to worry about it. Now I realize how ignorant that was for me and very wrong. He's gone and I had to figure it all out for myself. Just another reason why I'm never going to be vulnerable like that again and rely on someone else for anything. I'm growing up and becoming a big girl. About damn time.

Its been an interesting change for me because I had relied on Curtis so much for stuff. Even Matt for other stuff. Twas very foolish of me. Its not going to happen again. As independent as I thought I was, I was wrong. Big surprise, huh?

I am getting a little better. I've been eating like a rabbit, but all the grass and veggies work. I can definitely feel a huge difference. I can do so much more now than I could in the past year. I think I'm even going to try and see if I can run. I miss that. But at the same time, I'm scared as shit to try. But I'm persitant by nature, so I'll get it or die trying.

I was pissed. I was pissed for a long time. I would curse my father for passing on the genetics of this disease to me. But lately I've been looking at it differently. Its made me a much stronger person. Its made me tougher. Its made me a fighter. So there are a few pros to it all. I thought about him last night. I cant be upset with him for this. I'm sure he never thought it would end up like this. I was 19 when he died and this wasnt even something thought about by either of us.

Foremost, I love proving people wrong. No names here (but we know the name anyway) used to comment on how I'll never get back to where I was a few years ago. I'll prove his ass wrong yet again. And its nothing I'd ever bother to let him know about, but the satisfaction of knowing he's wrong is worth it to me.

So there are my missions!

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