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Its just the tv, cigarettes and bed, and some cheap soft drugs to keep me in my head...
Written at 8:11 p.m. on Saturday, Apr. 08, 2006

Its funny how things are sometimes...

Yesterday as I was leaving work, "MrNiceguy" was walking to the door. I stopped and talked to him for a few minutes. Somehow we got to talking about health issues. Long story short, he thinks he may have MS. He said this before I told him that I have it as well. He was telling me how he is having trouble getting a neurologist to send him for an MRI. He's pretty sure he has it. Part of me felt relieved because he understands it. Some people just dont understand it. Its hard to explain to some people that I'm not going out with them tonight because I feel like shit, not because I'm a flake. SO while a small part of me felt relief, the bigger part of me felt sad. I would never wish this on my worst enemy let alone one of the nicest guys I know. So it breaks my heart listening to him explain how he feels sometimes. I related to it so much. What I do know is women get this more often than men, but men get it worse.

I remember in the beginning reading an article about telling someone you're dating that you have MS. And how some guys get freaked out because they just dont understand it. So when he looked at me and said I would never have thought you had it. It isnt noticable. that was really nice to hear. Because I feel its noticable, its nice to get someone else's perspective. I really hope he doesnt have it.

This morning I got up and went to my accountant's house to get my taxes done. While I owe this year again, I dont owe as much as I have in the past. I can work with it. Just add it to my tab. I'll get it all paid off eventually.

After I left there I went to get my nails done. By the time I got out of there, it was almost 2:00. I started getting a bad headache as I was leaving. Then it dawned on me...I hadnt eaten anything all day. So I stopped for something on my way home because I just didnt feel like cooking when I got home. And I needed something in my stomach fast. I got home, ate, took a pain reliever and fell asleep.

On my way home I talked to "Ghettogirl". She mentioned that she wanted me to go with her to some bar/club tonight. I knew I wasnt going to be feeling up to it. Which then got me branded with the scarlet F for Flake. I just couldnt get her to understand I wasnt flaking. It was me not feeling well. And that's what I meant by people just dont understand. I'm not using it as an excuse to get out of things. I just didnt feel good.

So I'm home tonight when I should be out tearing it up. Ah, the good old days. Tonight its just me, my cat, a bottle of pain killers an a trillion shows I've DVR'd throughout the week. This is my Saturday night.

Yeah, I'd rather be out having fun instead of all hopped up on a bunch of pills.

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