Written at 11:58 a.m. on Friday, Apr. 28, 2006
Its been so nice today to not get up and have to drag my ass into work. Its almost noon...and I'm watching The Price is Right. For some reason, so many years later I still watch it when I'm home. Childhood regression maybe.
Last night went okay too. I came home to find dinner. Nice big, fat Double Western bacon cheeseburger for him. A nice big chicken salad for me. So many years later, he knows what I mean when I say I dont feel good. And he knows that it definitely means a crack-down on things for me. A better diet usually follows that.
It was just nice to lay on the sofa and put my head in his lap. And not have to think or do a thing. It was actually pretty fun too. Again, no false hope there. I just really needed this night. I needed to feel like something other than the broke-down piece of shit I was feeling. It was nice to laugh, not cry.
I woke up this morning almost dreading the day. My friend called me at about 9:00. She thought she had woke me up and felt bad. I had been up for hours. Lauren is another person that for some reason I never have to say anything to. She told me her hair appointment got cancelled so she scheduled a work out with her trainer instead. So I decided I was going to let me hair appointment go. After all, I was only going to hang out with her. And it just snowballed from there. I called and cancelled my 11:00 appointment with my doctor. I know I probably shouldnt have, but I was only going for a cortizone shot. I decided last night that I shouldnt have the shot. Its always a quick fix, but always has repurcussions when it wears off. And it really isnt that good for you anyway.
I've always said that I have truly been blessed with awesome friends. The best. Like I said, I almost never have to tell Lauren about how I feel about things. Somehow she just subconsciously knows. I didnt say a word to her, and she told me that she really wants to come over and watch a movie. She doesnt really want to go anywhere or do anything. That works for me. I think I'll make her go to Trader Joe's with me for some food and snacks.
So that is what I have planned for the day. Nice and relaxing. Hopefully by the weekend's end I will have snapped out of this relapse and back into remission. Fingers crossed.