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Though things like this make me sick, in a case like this I'll get away with it
Written at 1:34 a.m. on Saturday, May. 06, 2006

Its funny how things sometimes, well, work out. Happy accidents I like to call them.

I spent the earlier part of my night waiting for Becca to get off work...then go home to pick up her dog and take him to her mother's house because she didnt want him home alone (Yes, I know how retarded that sounds)...then go to Megan's house to shower...and then finally meet me at "Cheers". Needless to say, my night had very little Cinco left by the time I got there.

When I got there I found Becca outside on the bench. Ahh, the benches. Many of nights spent sitting there trying to sober up and chain smoking the whole time. Anyway, I sat there with her until Megan finally showed up. And I can say that I didnt really leave the benches all night. Same ol' same ol' I guess.

As I was sitting there, this guy walked out the front door past me and was getting ready to leave. He said hi as he passed by and then turned around and came back. He ended up being the guy that occupied the bench with me all night. Tony was, wow, very different. Very nice genuine guy. I mean to the core. And I'll go on to explain why I think that.

As we're sitting there he asks me why I went there tonight. I could only answer with a Because I didnt feel like sitting home. I know how pathetic that sounds, but it really was the truth. So why didnt you have your boyfriend take you out tonight? Getting right to the point was he. Well because I cant have someone take me out if he doesnt exist. True or false? Am I right? Not much happening on the dating front lately. So he gives me this weird look That is the most insane thing. I would've sworn someone had already swept you away. Ha, ha Mr Drunk guy. Thanks for the laugh, better watch those beer goggles. But according to him all he had to drink all night was water.

So we sat out there talking for the rest of the night. About all kinds of random things. Then finally he said he had to go. I dont want to leave. I really dont want to leave because I like you. You're nice. You're a good dresser (Okay yeah, I was in jeans and a t-shirt. Real sexy). You're good to talk to. I can definitely tell that you're smart. Flattery will get you everywhere. He asked if he could have my number so I told him I needed to find a pen. He then asked me to wait there because he was going to go to his car for his cell phone. I sat out there with Becca waiting for him to come back. I'm thinking how he probably used going to his car as his escape route. Five minutes, maybe even ten, he finally came back. He handed me a cold bottle of water and a bag of M&M's. He gets a point for that.

As we sat there, listening to the horrible karaoke coming out the door, we started talking about music. He said that he really likes Depeche Mode. So I told him that I did too. He asked what my favorite song by them was. Somebody. Oh, by far. It has so many memories for me. And I love the words. Which I just HAVE to put at the end of this entry. Please dont think I'm some strange freak. I really like you alot. And I want to see you again. I want you someday to see me in those words. By now I'm thinking he really must be drunk. Again, he assured me that he wasnt.

It was getting late by this point. SO he said goodbye and asked if he could call me tomorrow. That he'd really like to take me out to the movies. He said he'd call around 11 tomorrow. So I said goodbye, he kissed my hand and walked off to his car. Hmm, I am sure I will never hear from him when he wakes up tomorrow. But we'll see.

I still stayed out on the benches, because by this point there were so many people there. I saw my friend Justin, who I several years back made him sit out there on the very same bench and say my name three times so he wouldnt forget it. Guess it worked because years later he still remembers it. And then out came my friend Mai's (May) brother. I'm sure you remember him Angel. The one that would always sing Baby Got Back. And Eminem. And stuff like that. I asked him how his sister was doing. He said she has a 2 1/2 year old kid now. Last time I saw her she was waddling around in her third trimester. Then, I ran into "DownstairsGirl". I didnt know how that was going to go because last time we talked it was on bad terms. She's the one who said she didnt like shopping with me because I couldnt shop at the same places as her because I was so big. Tables turned now. Not that I'm happy by it, but she has gained alot of weight. So we talked for a few minues. Until I heard I lie big butts and I cannot lie. So I had to go in and watch him sing that. Becca and Megan were, well, shaking them nasty butts.

When the song was over I looked over at a nearby table and saw my friend "Birdman" sitting with "DownstairsGirl". I went over to him and said hi. He hugged me and told me how long its been and I look so drastically different. I told him how as I gained all of that weight, I didnt see it at first. I had a different image of myself. How in my head I knew I was gaining weight because I was having to constantly buy larger clothes. But in my eyes I couldnt see it. Just like now, when I look in the mirror I still see that 320lb fat girl. He hugged me and told me that I need to push that thought out of my head and realize exactly what I've accomplished. I'm still trying. He also asked if I was still dating those two brothers. It took me a few minutes to figure out what he was talking about. Matt and Greg. Who looked eerily similar, but not brothers.

As we were exchanging numbers I noticed that I had 4 missed calls on my phone. Three were Becca because she loves to hear the ringtone I assigned to her. James Blunt - You're Beautiful. Then I noticed that the most recent call was from the guy I had met earlier. After I said goodnight to everyone I called him to see what he wanted. I told him that I was on my way home. He said he was just calling to make sure I got home okay. I could tell I had called while he was sleeping so I told him thank you and go back to bed.

I wish I could say that was my night but there were so many other little things that happened. But for someone who was going to back out of the night because her friends were totally lagging...I had a good night. A very good night. One that I really havent had in a long time. I'm really glad that I went against my impulse to stay home. I needed this. A journey of a thousand steps starts with the first step, right.

So there you have nutshell version. I could be here typing all night...but I wont.


Somebody - Depeche Mode

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She will hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and with every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear
Of those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it