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There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain...an ounce of peace is all I want for you...will you never call again
Written at 6:15 p.m. on Saturday, May. 20, 2006

I sometimes think that I may have the best and worst taste in guys.

My day started off with an arguement with Matt on the phone. No matter what it is, he always finds something he forgot and wants to pick up. You know, that is only going to work until he runs out of excuses...or I change my number. I'm thinking it will have to be the latter of the two.

He always tries to reassure me that I am so much better off without him. Well, yeah, duh. I dont need his reassurance to know that is true. I think we all know its true. He says that I am too good for him and that I deserve so much better. Yeah we know that is true also. You dont think I know that I deserve better. You are so far beneath me that it hurts. I was totally slumming it for almost four years with you. I know that was very bad of me to say, but he sounded drunk and wanted to pick a fight. He got the better of me as far as maturity on this one. I stooped to his level. And I hate when I do that.

So I grew balls today. Metaphorically, not litterally. I was talking to "Longtimecrush" online this morning. We talked for hours. Like 4-5 hours. Somehow my trip to Big Bear came up. We talked about it for a while. Finally I said So, I'm going to just come out and ask you...ya wanna go to Big Bear with me? Just go up and kick around town for the night? He said he would see if he had to work and take the day off if he did. So he is going to go with me. I think that is the first time in a long time, if ever, that I've asked a guy out. So I'm excited about that.

Then "Creepyguy" called me. I promised Becca that I'd give him another chance. So I talked to him for another good portion of my day. He's nice. I'll give him that. He's got a few things to work out, but aside from that he's okay. We talked about seeing a movie tomorrow. Sounds harmless. And it doesnt involve alcohol. He also wants Becca and me to go out with him and his friend next Friday night.

I'm going out with Becca tonight. She wants to go to "Cheers". Big surprise there. I think its just the familiarity of the place. But I'm a good sport, I'm game.

She's going to drive...I'm going to drink. I need it.

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