So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind...and do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Written at 2:34 p.m. on Wednesday, Jun. 14, 2006
Can someone please explain to me why if he's the asshole...why do I feel bad?
It was almost consuming me last night. I sat there thinking about how much this could really set things back for him. Jail. Fines. More classes. And I felt bad. I was the one who felt bad like I did something wrong. And when I try to pick it apart and rationalize it, I start thinking about how bad he was to me. How he got away with so much over the years that this doesn't even begin to make up for it. And that's just it...I need to keep remembering all the bad shit he's done. Don't put it in the back of my head, but rather keep it up front and remember it.
Lately that has been working well for me. I'm forgetting the good times and remembering more of the bad times. There were very few good times anyway. Its so much easier that way.
Who I really wholeheartedly feel sorry for is this girl who thinks she's landed god's gift. I thought that in the beginning too. He's going to take her and twist her until the person that falls out is unrecognizable...even to herself. Its that thought that keeps me not missing him. But its the same thought that keeps me feeling sorry for her. She really has no idea what she's gotten herself involved with and what is ahead of her.
I did get a hold of someone at the Police Department who was able to help me fill in some blanks. They had called him on Monday after they left my office and he admitted to everything. Now they are turning it over to the District Attorney's office and they will send him a summons to appear in court for his arraignment. Since he pleaded guilty there will be no trial. Just a sentence.
It kind of scares me a little that he is out there. Working two street lights down from my house and living two street lights down in the other direction. I'm in the middle. He probably passes my house several times a day.
Tonight Becca is going to come over and stay the night. We're not sure if we are going to go out or stay in. Either one works for me.