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God help you if you are a phoenix and you dare to rise up from the ash...a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy while you were just flying back
Written at 2:28 p.m. on Thursday, Jun. 15, 2006

I am having so much fun. How can I possibly miss someone that took that and stifled it away in a little bottle?

Becca and I went to "Cheers" last night. It was great. Faces I hadn't seen in years. We got there at about 9:00 and grabbed a couple of shots. Not to mention we split a bottle of Boons Farm before we even left the house. (I know, crappy alcohol but she got two bottles from some guy she works with so I'm not complaining.)

I sat outside talking to a friend of mine that was having some female problems. He was saying that for some reason women get too clingy with him. He couldn't understand why they cant just be friends and hangout. No sex, just two friends hanging out. And that is exactly what I want. Just a guy friend. No strings. You can come over. You can hang. You aren't getting anything. And at the end of the night your ass is leaving. You dont have to go home...but you cant stay here. That should be a guy's dream.

I know this. I am not going to get entangled in anything any time soon. I dont want to get involved in any of that. I'm really happy being by myself right now. I'm not alone, but I'm not with anyone either. A romantic atheist of sorts. I enjoy coming and going as I please. Not having to answer to anyone. Just doing whatever makes Tracey happy. I haven't been happy for a long time. I am sure going to take advantage of it now.

When we got home last night we sat up talking for a while. Way later than someone that needs to be up at 6:45 should be. We, and when I say we I really mean me, finished off the other bottle of Boons. She's hurting. Alot. And I'm trying to help her as much as I can. She's really helped me. She has a piece of paper legally tying her to that man. I was fortunate enough to not have any strings like that.

This afternoon I got a call from Kelly, my old roommate. I had left her a message last week just saying hi. She was telling me how when she heard the message she had a hard time believing it was me because I sounded so happy. I told her I am. She reminded me of a bet we made and how she thinks she owes me $100. I dont clearly remember what the bet was, but I know it has something to do with Matt. I think it was about leaving him within a certain amount of time. Whatever it was she just couldn't believe how happy I sounded.

The caged bird flies. I'm really excited to see where I fly to.

Its always takes me so long to write these things out. Becca called me about 30 mins ago. She stayed at my house last night and I left her this morning with a key to lock up behind her. She left and got a few street lights down and remembered she left her sweater so she went back. As she pulled up to my apartment complex, she saw Matt walking and looking up the hill to my apartment. When she came back out she decided to drive in the direction he was walking and sure enough he wasnt there. He ducked in somewhere. And it was probably my complex. I'm telling you, after all that shit on Monday I can assure you that I haven't seen or heard the last of him.

I feel like this bird just flew into a mirrored glass window. My stomach is in knots.