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I really wanna care...I wanna feel something...let me dig a little deeper...nope...sorry...NOTHIN'
Written at 1:01 p.m. on Thursday, Jun. 22, 2006

I feel so vindicated. Its great.

Last night I was sound asleep. At 11:00 my cell phone rang. It was a blocked number, so I just assumed it was Eric. It wasnt. The sad, little weepy voice on the other end said Dont hang up. Please dont hang up on me. That sad, little weepy voice was Matt. Just like damn clockwork. It made me sick to my stomach.

He's telling me how much of a jerk he's been and he's sorry for everything. What it is, is homegirl got smart and ran. Unfortunately, she ran taking $400 and all of his clothes. Who cares, right. Tracey will be there to clean up the mess, right. Yeah, no. I'm done with it all. There isnt a single thing he could do or say to make even a small part of me want to go back to that. NOTHING.

I just dont get what he thinks. That I'm just stupid enough to fall for some sorry ass crocodile tears. He is severely cracked in the head if he thinks there is even a small possibility. He can cry his little heart out.

My life lately has been awesome. I've been hanging out and talking with Eric alot lately. He treats me right. He treats me good. I've been out doing things. No more sitting around the house waiting and wanting to do something. I actually feel like I'm living...not just merely existing. It sickens me that I allowed that to go on as long as it did. And it feels really nice to not have to deal with the bullshit.

All I know is this...if someone had a restraining order against me and I violated the order...and that person turned me in...well, I dont think I'd be stupid as to go and call that person again. Only makes sense. And I did tell him why I turned him in. Because I needed to ensure that he wouldnt try to contact me. Wasnt very effective though.

Whatever. Bottom line...he can cry his eyes out until he's blue in the face...he can do whatever he wants...I WILL NEVER GO BACK TO THAT LIFE EVER, EVER AGAIN.


(1st verse)

Well you filled up my head,
With so many lies.
Twisted my heart
Til something snapped inside.
I'd like to give it one more try
but my give a damn's busted.

You can crawl back home
say you were wrong,
stand out in the yard
cry all night long.
Well go ahead and water my lawn.
My give a damn's busted.


I really wanna care,
I wanna feel somethin'
Let me dig a little deeper...

(2nd verse)

You can say you've got issues.
You can say you're a victim.
It's all your parents fault,
After all you didn't pick em
Well maybe Oprah's got time to listen.
My give a damn's busted.

(*Well let me get this straight now)
Your therapist said
It was all just a phase
A product of the prozac
And your co-dependent ways
So uhh ... who's your enabler these days
My give a damn's busted.


I really wanna care,
I wanna feel somethin'
Let me dig a little deeper...

(3rd verse)
(*Oh you're tellin' me)
It's a desperate situation,
No tellin' what you'll do.
If I don't forgive you,
You say your life is through.
Well honey... give me somethin' I can use.
(My give a damn's busted.)
(*Ahh you knew I was gonna say that, didn't ya.)

My give a damn's busted (*ha ha)
My give a damn's busted
Honey trust me
My give a damn's busted yeahhh ...
My give a damn's busted yeahhh
(*You wanna do what?)(*ha ha ha ha ha)
My give a damn's busted
(*Get the party started thats what we'll do)
My give a damn's busted
(*I'm not done honey, trust me)
My give a damn's busted
(*Been there, done that)
My give a damn's busted
My give a damn's busted