I'm not waiting around for some man to save me (cuz I'm happy where I'm at)...Dont depend on a guy to validate me (NO, NO)...I dont need to be anyone's baby (Is that so hard to understand)...I dont need another half to make me whole
Written at 11:00 p.m. on Sunday, Jul. 02, 2006
I dont even know where to start its been so long since I've updated. Some things have happened.
I had to walk away from Eric. He was getting a little too clingy for me. Even he admitted one night when I was on the phone explaining to him I had Becca on the other line, he said I bet you're on the phone with her 'That Eric guy...he's too needy'. He is. He even called me at work last week when he couldnt get me on my cell. Needy? A little.
And today. Today I was out on a date at the lake and explaining to a different guy how I am NOT looking to jump into something. And how I dont want to be into anything at all. I do not want a relationship. That was until I received a phone call from Matt's whatever-girlfriend. Talk about a buzzkill. She called talking about how her and Matt were seeing if they could work things out. She heard something on his voicemail that made her wonder. She called me saying she just kicked him out of her house because she found out he's been calling me yet again to work things out for us.
I explained to her that while I have no intention of working things out with him, he has been calling and trying. I wanted to hurt her. I wanted her to hate him. And have her doubts and insecurities. And have trust issues with him. Then I started thinking that it wasnt too long ago that I wanted him to hurt. And when I met her, her too. And I just wanted to get all in there and fuck things up for him. Today I realized I dont care. I never want to be with him again. I've given up on him. Who cares what happens to him. I dont care. He's all her problem now. Not mine.
And that confirmed for me that I really dont want to be in a relationship now. Or anytime soon. I do not want to attach myself to another person in any way. I dont want to gegt that close to anyone. Or let them close either. In time I'm sure it will be different. But for now, I just want to be alone for a while. I do not want to tip-toe around anyone. Or have to explain about anything. No, not right now.