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Written at 3:42 p.m. on Monday, Jul. 17, 2006

What an awesome weekend. I had so much fun that it still hurts.

Saturday at about noon, I headed out to my friend's house in LA. Other than spacing out and drifting off onto a freeway I wasnt supposed to be on, it was a nice drive.

And I know that everyone thinks their child is the cutest, but my friend's son is the most handsome little guy. He has these piercing blue eyes. He just makes you melt. I didnt want to give him back. Doesnt make me want to run out and purchase one, but he was adorable nonetheless.

And her husband. Nicest guy. We sat talking for a long time about their relationship and relationships in general. He remembered my company Christmas party and meeting Matt, so he asked about him. He said some really important things that just hit a spot. He has so much love for his family that you cant help but be jealous a little bit. She was running around being the world's best hostess and he's playing with their son and they're all just cute.

Saturday night one of her husband's friends came over and the four of us just hung out. We sat outside drinking. She makes the best drinks. Its was the bottomless martini. It was almost too pretty to drink. Sugar around the rim of the glass and crazy fruit hanging out. Some watermelon martini. A few of those and I was feeling nice. Very nice.

It was just so nice and relaxing at their house. Every second of it. Her husband in so many ways reminds me of Chris. Not so much in appearance or anything. It could be how Chris used to dote over Jeremy when he was little. As far as attitude, they couldnt be farther apart.

On my drive back I got a call from Eric. He's going to force me to be rude. And I dont want to be. I told him never to call me at work again. I do not know how it ever got in his head that I may be okay with that. I knew you wouldnt call me. My friends told me to give up, that I'd never hear from you.

That right there is my problem with him. He has no self-esteem. He always thought the worst and never gave me the benefit of the doubt. It was always 'You arent going to call me back' or 'You dont like me' or 'You arent going to go out with me again'. You're damn right now. He's too in my face about things. If he had ever just said to call him back and shut up about what I'm not going to do, I would have probably called him. I dont plan on it now.

And as always, I dont mean that in a bitchy sort of way. I just feel a little too smothered by him. He just doesnt seem to understand it when I say I'm not ready to be in a relationship and I need a slow pace. I'm not sure what language he speaks because he's not getting the English version of it. And it makes me feel bad, because I dont want to be the bad guy.

Who knows...maybe its my destiny.