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Written at 4:11 p.m. on Thursday, Aug. 03, 2006

Right now I just want to crawl into bed, pull the covers up over my head and think twice about coming out.

I'm really pissed off about my job. In eleven days I will have been there two years. And I still wake up in the morning thinking What did you do, Tracey? You had a job. A job you loved. You made less than what you make now, but you loved it. You would've had to put years into that job before they put you in editorial, but you would've gotten there eventually. And that is really what you want to be doing. Stupid girl.

Wouldnt be the first time I thought I was stupid. But I'm tired of worrying about this job. Totally fucking tired of it. My company feels like its cracking at the seams. And I dont want to be one of the fatalities. Something happened. I'm not sure what it was. What I do know is we sent a bunch of people to New Orleans after the storm. Three quarters of those people dont work for the company anymore, be it fired or quit, and the one quarter that still work for the company are changed.

An office is closing and merging with ours. The maanger for that office is all bent that its closing and he's going from the top guy of his office to second in command in my office. He's pissed that they want to let the girl in his office go because when we merge I'll be there. Apparently he's so pissed that he's trying to campaign for her to have my job.

That's not sitting well with me. I could understand if I was the slacker employee and always fucking up. Then I would understand them choosing her over me. But no, I'm the one who when I call in sick and cant reach someone I still go in until someone gets there so that there is someone there to answer calls and get things done. This girl. She cant even send an email without 50 spelling and grammar errors. Its kind of embarassing.

I called in sick today. I had to. I was up most of the night with a headache throwing up. And I want to kick myself for ever saying I'll be home laying down...if you need anything, you can call. Stupid Tracey. I didnt really think anyone would use it. My home phone and my company cell phone, because I'm not stupid enough to give my personal cell phone number out, have been ringing all day. I could understand if something could not wait until tomorrow, but so far everything I've been called about can. One guy even called about things waiting until tomorrow. If I'm home sick trying to sleep, why would you call me to tell me about things that need to be done tomorrow. Put a fucking post-it note on my desk and I'll worry about the shit tomorrow.

Its just a job, right?