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Written at 12:41 p.m. on Friday, Oct. 13, 2006

Today I think that I took an extra dose of my "I dont give a &%^@%" pill. Because really, I dont give a &%*#^.

I think right now I am going on strike in all parts of my life. I havent been feeling good and its making me frustrated. Frustrated that I cant do the simplest of things. Things that other people dont even think about when they do it. Everything has been deduced to the easiest way to do it. I would rather drive out of the way to the pharmacy that has a drive-thru than get out of my car and walk in to the pharmacy on my street. I used to love to push myself to do these things. In a way I've stopped pushing myself or even caring enough either way. And that scares me a little bit.

Yesterday after I walked down the stairs from my office, I was completely drained. And Nay-Nay noticed. She asked if I needed her help. I didnt want to say yes, but I had to. Just the thought of getting out to my car tired me out. And when she said, "I think this is the worst I've ever seen you", well that stole all the wind from my sail.

I'm being proactive today. I've decided what I'm going to do. I called, or should I say tried, to make an appointment to see my neurologist. Right now I'm not really caring which one either. I'm way too picky about my neuro's but right now...well, I dont give a &^#%$. I need to see someone. NOW. Although I'm having problems getting into anyone today.

Tonight I told Kelly that I would take her to the airport. I was thinking it was the airport that's 10-15 minutes away. But alas, no...we're going to LAX. Note to self: Get full details before agreeing to anything.

I just want to crawl under my desk and never (EVER) come out. I want to go home and sleep. Freaking Friday the 13th.

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