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Where does my heart beat now...Where is the sound...That only echoes through the night
Written at 1:33 a.m. on Sunday, Dec. 24, 2006

I think that this has been a very enlightening weekend for me...and its barely started.

I went yesterday after work to meet up with "J" at "Cheers". I look at him and I see a nice guy. Its strange to be such a nice yet there is very little attraction there. I am not sure why. Its not the "nice guys finish last" thing either. Perhaps if I got to know him better. I dont know.
Maybe I was quick to pigeon-hole him.

We had a few drinks. It gets weirder and weirder to be there. He found it a nice, new place he had never been. I saw it as the place I always remember it to be. Dont eat the food. Drink slow because Jan pours them strong. And for the love of god...if you need to use the bathroom, across the street at the gas station is a much better option than using the one at "Cheers". One of the stalls had overflown. The other one had locks so old on the stall that it wouldnt let me out. Then the papertowels wouldnt come out of the dispenser. Kind of frustrating to say the least. But just as I remember that place to be.

This morning I got up early and went to get my nails done. That didnt take as long as I thought it would, so I got to my hair appointment 45 mins early. They didnt seem to mind. Its always so enlightening to talk to Shaz. I sincerely think he is the deepest person that I know. It always turns into some deep philosophical conversation. I dont mind though. Its always fun.

Last night I came across an old phone book from when I was in high school. This book pretty much dated itself with the BFF's and bubble letters all over it. It just looked like something from high school. I did remember most of the names. Some I didnt have a clue. It was a seriously huge walk down memory lane. I would read a name and instantly start thinking of something stupid I did. Like telling Allison's mom we like sleeping in the basement because it was cooler down there when really it was just so much easier to sneak out the window from the ground floor. Her parents seriously hated me. I kinda deserved it though. I was the girl you didnt want your kids hanging out with. I was a teenager being a teenager. At least that is how I try to justify it now.

I came home this afternoon and checked my email. I had an email from this website that I signed up for years ago. I just update the pictures every now and then. Well the email said something about reading what Rasmus had to say. I've had these emails before and they are usually asking you to pay before you read it. This one didnt. It was from a European foreign exchange student I went to school with. Why he emailed me I dont understand. I've only kept in touch with an old friend, Angel, who lives in Italy with her husband and two kids. I cant ever say I've had a comversation with Rasmus. He was on the soccer team and was fawned over by all of the popular girls who thought love lasted forever in high school. Didnt we all?

It was very nice to hear from him though. He just left a short little note...hi tracy. Its been over 10 years - and you look totally different now. I was just looking through the yearbook and wanted to see what everybody was doing these days. always funny to see what happens with people aften 1o years....I am living in copenhagen and working with IT security believe or not...well, have a nice christmas...rasmus.

Today was just all around a good day. I did things for me. My nails, my hair. I felt normal today. More normal than I've felt in a very long time. I actually got through the day without even thinking about it and at times actually forgetting about it altogether. All I've wanted is to not feel so sick. And I got that for the day. It was wonderful. I'm not letting 2007 get away from me like 2006 did. I've got a year to look back on that doesnt have alot of consistency to it. That's sad to me.

My family has been calling like crazy. They know I want to be there. I was talking with one of my aunts yesterday and she said I needed to come back. That my family is there, not here. And I need to be with my family.

I think 2007 may be a life-changing year for me.