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Written at 2:42 p.m. on Monday, Jan. 08, 2007

As much as i love my family, deep down there are a few of them that I thihk are really disturbed.

Yesterday I finally got around to checking the messages on my landline at home. There was a message on there from my cousin that he had left Thursday night. He sounded very upset, like he was crying. He said something about doing something stupid and putting people in harms way and how I should call him back so he can tell me what I need to do. So not cool.

So I called back yesterday and left him a message, but I never heard back from him. I figured I would call my aunt since his wife works for her. Either my aunt would be able to tell me or his wife would be there. I did talk to my aunt for a little while about it. The way she described it cousin has flipped his lid and his wife is filing for divorce. He somehow got a hold of all of the numbers in her cell phone and has called quite a few of them. My aunt seems to think I have nothing to worry about.

See, my cousin has been in and out of shit like this for a long time. A few years back he got all hopped up on something, flipped his car several times and basically scalped himself in the accident. No one knew where he was for about a week. In a hospital somewhere. Then back in September when I went back home for my cousin's, his sister's, wedding he couldnt go. Something about his parole and his probation officer not allowing him to leave the state. It had totally devestated my cousin that her brother couldnt make it to her wedding.

The part that bothers me is that he has two young daughters, 5 and 9, who dont need this kind of stuff in their lives. They are two of the most beautiful, sweetest little girls...and all I want to do is keep them from stuff like this. Its not fair to them. They deserve so much better than this.

About 6 months ago, when I was afraid of Matt retaliating on me for turning him in for violating his restarining order, I had stayed the night at my cousin's house. His wife, who I am closer to then him, said I could share her bed with her. When I commented on how I didnt want to take his bed away from him, she said not to worry...he sleeps on the sofa anyway. So obviously they have had problems for quite some time.

I met with my aunt today for lunch. It was nice. A little hot out so the weather kinda messed with me a little bit. It made me feel a little unstable with the standing and walking part.

When I got back to work I called my cousin's wife. I made plans to go down there and see her Wednesday night after work. I want to see the girls. She said they wanted me to come down anyway. She also mentioned her trip back to Baltimore a few weeks ago. How my aunt and uncle were talking about how they want me to come back home. My uncle offered to fly out here and drive me back with my stuff. He's been offering that for years. I think its about time to take him up on it.