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Written at 3:34 p.m. on Monday, Jan. 15, 2007

I'm starting to realize...what someone bitches you out for, they wont hesitate to turn around and do that very same thing to you. A bit hypocritical if you ask me.

I've thought about my whatever-ship with "J" alot lately. I know it's not really a big deal, but I'm still kinda pissed off nonetheless. A week ago I said I would call him back and something came up and I couldnt that night. So when I got a hold of him the next day, he was all about chewing my ass out. That's fine, you can do that...just dont turn around and do to me the very thing you got mad at me about.

He was going out of town and wouldnt be back until early Saturday night. We made plans to go out Sunday night. I even talked to him Saturday night while he was waiting for his plane. I'll call you later when I get in. Didnt hear from him until today. Sorry, I fell asleep early Sunday. I guess what's good for one isnt good for all here.

I think its me. I think I just dont care anymore. About much at all. Its almost easier to get someone pissed off at me and get them to walk away instead of being the first one. Some how I cant manage to say what I feel. You? You're creeping me out with all of your sexual inuendos. You? You're just way too young. We werent even born in the same decade. If only it were that easy for me to say. Again, I digress.

I have plans Wednesday night to go out to dinner, to my favorite restaurant, with "J" and I'd love nothing better than for him to cancel. Last Thursday I had plans with "Partyguy" and I had to cancel on him. I had a migraine, who knows maybe it was my unconscious making it, and he wasnt getting the hint. I dont like how our last date ended. Me pressed up against my car while some dude, who thinks he's kissing, is slobbering all over my face. I didnt even want to get in that predicament again.

I am just not ready for all of this. A nice gay guy friend would be perfect. They dont expect anything from me.