Written at 2:28 p.m. on Monday, Jan. 29, 2007
My family is coming to town. And when I say family...I think I mean all of them.
My aunt from Seattle called me yesterday to let me know she was coming too. Coming too? Who are the too's? Apparently I'm supposed to be surprised. I can honestly say at that particular moment, I was...very. I'm happy nonetheless.
My aunt from Seattle is coming in Thursday night. I'm picking her up at the airport and she's staying at my house that night. On Friday, my two aunts that still live in Baltimore are flying out. We'll be meeting up with them on Friday at the hotel...that we'll all be staying at. I was asked to stay with them the duration of their trip. I could definately use it. A few to...just be. I think when my family are here, its the only time I can really breathe. If that makes sense. I dont have to worry about things so much. They dont let me.
I am a little concerned that an aunt that normally doesnt come out here at all is coming. I was told by my cousin's wife when I saw her a few weeks ago, that this particular aunt and my uncle really want me to move back there. So I imagine this will also be a trip where I am seated down by at least one of them and am attepted to talk some sense into. Why are you still in CA? Your family is here, not there. If you've heard it before, I've heard it many times over.
It does make me feel good though. That there's someone who cares about me and how I'm doing. That I have options to fall back on. I just dont like the impending feeling I get that I have taken over my father's place in this family. The charity case that everyone feels they must save. I dont like that feeling. I dont entirely dislike it, but it waxes and wanes with me at times. There's huge part of me screaming from the inside Take me with you. Dont let me stay here. Force me to go back with you. In case you cant tell, I'm not very good with making decisions and I often wait for them to get to the point where I can only go one way. It helps me avoid having to make a real decision. I hate this ostrich theory that I've become so accustomed to. Putting my head in the sand until things just roll right over me. If I put my head deep enough, I cant see things. And if I cant see them, they cant see me either. Not a very good virtue to have. I'm just very comfortable with things being out of my hands. I have no idea where it comes from or how I've survived this long with it. Ignorance is not bliss.
I already had Thursday off work. I'm still planning to drive up, at the butt crack of dawn, to pick up Rebecca to go with me to this court thing. She pops her head out of the sand for a moment. I have to take care of this court thing. If I dont, there's always that tie that keeps me bound one way or another.
I also took Friday off work so I can spend the whole day with my aunt alone before anyone else comes to town. I also didnt want to just leave her at my house while I go off to work. Wouldnt be nice of me to do. I wouldnt want someone doing that to me.
Tonight I have plans with "Partyguy" to go out to dinner. To be honest, I'm hoping he forgets. Not because of my normal reasons, but because I have so much to do this week already. Its just hard to back out on him for any reason. He always has a solution for everything. Maybe he really is my polar opposite. The stable person I need right now. I really hate even thinking that could be a possibility.
I really need to get to the salon to get my eye brows waxed. I fear any morning I am going to wake up with a uni-brow. I know realistically that wont happen...but they are pretty bad. The upkeep of a woman. It never ends. SO I want to try to get there tonight instead of going out with "Partyguy". We'll see.