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Written at 9:45 a.m. on Friday, Jun. 01, 2007

I sometimes just dont want to know people. I've gotten better at who stays and who goes in my life. I am just getting too old for this shit.

Let me start near the beginning...as I'm not 100% sure where the actual beginning is.

I knew getting involved with my neighbor was going to come back and bite me in the ass. Which it did tenfold this morning.

The other day he had sent me a text message while I was at work asking me about a Nissan truck in my carport. I just played it off like I didnt know...full well knowing it was Matt's truck.

And I have been getting alot of shit from Matt about the neighborguy too. Ooh, Richard's gonna be mad if he finds out I am here, huh. He'd also bang on the walls trying to make it sound like me. Its just been an all out mess all around. All of the sticky mess (ie. my conscience) got cleaned up this morning.

Richard sent me a text message yesterday as I got in the door after work. I must be so sexy that you just walked right by me and didnt recognize me. Which I thought I had seen him out of the corner of my eye.

All along Richard had been denying all of the late night rendezvous on his side of the wall. last night there was no doubt where the sounds were coming from...loud and clear. When I woke up, I had a text message from him from 10:00 last night. That's when the text message wars started...

Me: You must really find me deaf, dumb and stupid. I can assure you I'm not deaf or I would've gotten more sleep last night if I were.
Him: Oops, that was me. Sorry.
Me: Yeah, keep us up again. You almost had a 6'4 guy banging on your door. Wouldnt have been nice.
Him: K.
Me: My ex, the truck in my carport, and I are working things out. So you were right, we should stay strangers. And try to keep the fun on your side quiet at 4 am please.
Him: K, no problem. Good luck with working stuff out.
Me: Yeah, you with your 'thing' too. This is why I didnt want to tell you I was your neighbor. Things would be less awkward all around.
Him: K, no problem.
Me: Good luck with everything.

You have got to be out of your freakin' mind to try to date me, bring someone home and not think I'd hear it. Our common wall is our bedroom walls. You have to be pretty freakin' stupid.

So I had to let that one go too. I would love to say I'm sad, but I'm not. I think I may have even mentioned it in a recent entry. I would lay there at night and hear his tv and think to myself 'I'd love to hear a woman over there...I'd love to have a reason to fall off his radar.' Guess I got my reason.

What it is, is I saw the problems before they happened. Not really a self-fullfilling prophecy or anything. Just a taste of reality. I knew this was going to end up all awkward like this. I'm just surprised he admitted to it and didnt lie about it. I think from the beginning I had Matt size paranoia problems and I would've just as soon not even started anything with him than to have it all tarnished with my neuroticisms.

All of that really had me fuming mad this morning on my way into work. I was all pissed off and didnt care about anything. I live 20 minutes from my work, but this morning I made it here in 11. I dont think I did less than 75 mph the entire way here. Just thinking about this very black cloud that is hanging over building 1. I swear, its just my luck. Fate must really hate me because she's screwing with me every chance she gets.

It was, however, so nie to come in this morning to a message from my Nay-Nay. Tracey.... good things are happening! You are a blessed woman, and beautiful to boot! as I have always believed....pray and let it go... worry has no place in our lives, for we are destined for glory!!!! That just happened to come at just the right time. She always has a way of doing that to me. Saying just the right thing at just the right time. She's beautiful like that.

I am planning to spend most of the weekend with Becca. She is just weeks away from popping that kid out. Which is good as I dont really want to be at my apartment right now anyway...

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