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Written at 11:02 a.m. on Tuesday, Aug. 14, 2007

I think once again I am getting very close to end of my very short rope. I think (better to say know) if I had an out yesterday, I just might have taken it. And I msy not have been too upset by it either.

Things have been getting a lot worse around here. It feels like in every aspect too. My health...almost nothing left. I cant see. Or should I say I'm having gnarly double vision. It really sucks. I saw my neurologist last week and all he could do was give me a shitload of new prescriptions. Not really helping so much.

I ended up pulling over into a parking lot yesterday and having a nervous breakdown. As I mentioned, if I had an out at the moment...I probably would've taken it.

When I got home last night, Matt was there. I was sitting on the sofa about ready to swallow down my thirty-something pills I take. It was so hard to hold it all back. Eventually I knew I couldnt and I got up and went into my bedroom. I took off my clothes and crawled into bed. All I could do was just lay there crying. My doctor took away my pain pills and I was in so much pain and feeling so defeated. Matt just came in and handed me water and layed with me until I felt a little better.

Today was damage control day. I finally picked up the phone and called some family members to see what my options are. The all say the same thing...COME HOME. So, I think I am.

Tomorrow is about figuring out who is coming out here, packing me up and driving me back. So we'll see.