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Written at 1:24 p.m. on Wednesday, Dec. 12, 2007

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about things in my head. Just kind of replaying them and actually retaining something from it.

Yesterday for some reasson, I got to thinking about a night that Matt's friend, Jim, came over. I had never been a big fan of Jim's. Not even for one day. On this particular night I was at the opposite end of the spectrum from a fan of his. He thought it would make for a funny story talking about a weekend that he and his wife got up ealy one day and started doing lines of coke. and how they ran into one of their kid's teachers outside and the awkwardness of being all coked out. As he was telling the story, he'd take a pause and then continue...then take a pause and continue. Finally there was a long pause and I just came right out and said "Can we perhaps change the subject?" It ended up making Matt upset that I did that and there had been a lot of tension in the air afterwards. At one point when Matt went to the restroom, Jim made a smartass comment on something I had said.

After Jim left, Matt and I had it out about the whole thing. I tried to explain it to mother used to always say to me growing up "You are the company that you keep." That you had to surround yourself with people that carried themselves in a proper way...if you hung out with trashy people, people would assume you were trashy too. Kinda like being guilty be association I suppose. Whatever it was, I knew it would forever make me look at him differently. I am not a judgemental person at all.

I think my problem with that conversation was that any time you put drugs...and your the same sentence...I'm going to get all over your ass. You just dont do that with your kids around. His oldest kid is 10. I'm not sure bout all 10 yr olds, but I was very aware of what was going on at 10. His youngest is 4 yrs old. Too young to be in the dependent care of coked out parents.

I cant get my head around it.

Dont even know where that thought came from. I guess it was just my random thought of the day.