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Tell me how I'm gonna breathe with no air...
Written at 7:06 p.m. on Thursday, Jun. 12, 2008

I have got to get myself out of this. Over this. Whatever this is.

I feel like I am making bad choices in a desperate attempt. There is a guy at my work that I was really interested in. Dont ask me why. He is so not my type. He looks like Dan from "Biggest Loser" before he lost all of the weight. So for that, we'll call him Dan. Becca calls him Dan anyway. So, Dan is not my usual type. But over the years I keep hearing how awesome of a guy Dan really is. And I thought I'd really like a nice guy.

Last Friday, we decided that we would go to happy hour and then go to his band practice. Both were very fun and I had a good time. We had discussed earlier the idea that I'd drive with him, stay the night at his house and then either Becca or him would take me home tomorrow. After his band practice, he tells me that we are heading to his friend's house. Let me also mention that he drank at happy hour and at band practice.

I was so uncomfortable at his friend's house. His started talking about pot. Now, pot and I are good friends. It has a numbing effect that I sometimes need to get back to level. Now, I was not so laid back about the coke that his friend brought out. I've never done coke, so I cant say that I know ANYTHING about it. It just mde me uncomfortable because that is just not the kind of person that I am. So when his friend understood my awkwardness, he apologized and noone did anything.

Ok, you would think the night would get better...WRONG. dan tells me how we are going to need to take a cab back to his house. This did not sit right with me. I explained to him that I was not okay with him taking me 45 mins away from my car...and then not even staying sober enough to drive us to his house. This is so not the person that I am. He didnt make me feel like the 32 year old WOMAN that I am...instead he was treating me like a 21 year old GIRL that is okay with partying and staying out all night. I barely stay up til single digits, he had me out untl 4 am.

Then we get to his house and all I want is to go to sleep. Hell, its 4 am. And all Dan wants is to get laid. Had he treated me a little different, he might had. Not after all of this shit.

He just kept groping me as I tried to fall asleep. Finally at 6:30, I said he needed to take me home. On the freeway, he got us pulled over. He was going WAY pver the speed limit. I just wanted to go home. His friend even texted him while we were pulled over saying he just drove by and saw us pulled over. Yikes. Get me home.

So yes...I thought this was a bad idea on my part. A very, very bad idea. I shouldve just stayed home. It wouldve been boring...but it would be a little less awkward at work.

I need to get beyond this. I need to get out of this house. But I need to do it in better ways. I'm going to get past this. I just have to.

I cannot rush home after work to just wander around my house and do nothing.

Oh, and I'm failing my Critical Thinking class. Evn the $30,000 education isnt paying off. Critical Thinking, eh? Maybe this is the universe trying to tell me something.

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