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Its too late to apologize...
Written at 12:29 a.m. on Sunday, Jul. 06, 2008

I am not sure how to title this entry...because tonight has just been a DISASTER. A total freaking disaster. And I probably lost my best friend in the process.

I have spent this entire weekend with Becca. She came down Friday morning and picked me up (since my car is acting like a piece of crap) and I spent the night at her house on the 4th.

Today, we came back to my house and decided to go to "Cheers". BIG MISTAKE. The night was okay. I was slightly bored at first. Then two guys came and talked to us and bought us drinks. It got boring again. Then another guy came and talked to me for a while. She went outside for a long time while he was there. She finally came in while I was talking to my friend Justin that I havent seen in a long time. She's trying to introduce me to this guy that she just met named John. When I explained to her who John was, we decided to leave. Good thing because I was drunk. Still am a little.

On the car ride home, we were talking and something really wrong came out of my mouth. When she was explaining about kissing him and making out with him outside, I said that's okay, that's just what YOU do. I probably shouldve been nicer about it, but I was kind of upset that this guy (who totally screwed me over and invited me to his house at 1:00 in the afternoon to watch movies and got upset that I didnt have sex with him) was the same guy she was outside making out with, it slipped out of my mouth in a drunken mistake.

I didnt know what to say in recovery of that. There was a HUGE part of me that thought (and knew) that I had no right to be upset with her for that. And I wasnt entirely. I really didnt care about the thing with the guy. I dont care about him. But when she calls me up the day before talking about how she just left some guy's house after meeting up with him on a blind date, I kinda felt that is what she does. She tells me all the time about this guy or that guy she made out with. First, let me clarify that she hasnt had sex with anyone since the night her son was conceived...and he'll be a year on Tuesday. Like I said, it was something that slipped out of my drunk mouth that I didnt mean. And I apologized to her but she wasnt accepting it. She just wanted to storm off all upset.

I dont know what to do. I told her that I didnt mean it and that I was sorry. She could care less. I am human. I had a few too many drinks...did a few things that I'm not too proud of tonight and said some things I regret...but I said I was sorry. I meant it when I said it. Not sure where to go from here.