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Written at 10:52 p.m. on Thursday, Oct. 23, 2008

I have been spending way too much time texting and talking on the phone with my friend. I forgot just how amazing he is. He truly stops my heart sometimes.

I was almost in tears talking to him tonight. We were talking about my father...which is always a sore subject. He was telling me how he used to walk down with me to my father's house because he knew how upset I would get when I left. He was also telling me how he was always watching over me in high school to make sure nothing ever happened to me. He texted me today and said Tracey (last name)...I have loved you since the first year we were friends. Wow. Didnt see that coming. Somehow, we got to talking about him coming out here...possibly finding work...I know, but if I do this I want a promise you will marry me down the road. Did not see that one either.

I know that I am the girl on here every two weeks talking about some new guy that I am dating...but something about him just feels right. He was telling me tonight on the phone that "you have to be friends before you can be lovers...and we've got the friends part down". He's right about that. Noone ever took care of me the way that he did. He was always looking out for me when we were younger. He never let anyone hurt me and always looked out for me. When I asked him why, he said because I always did the same.

I was also honest with him about my MS. He knew that my father had it and the thought of ever getting it scared me. I was telling him how I felt so bad about how things were with my father and how I wished I had been different back then. He has always had a knack for saying the right things to make me feel better. This was no different. He thinks its funny that we've picked it up like no time has passed at all.

I just feel safe with him. Like no matter what it is, it cant hurt me when he is around. Its always been that way. So I can only wonder if this is where I am supposed to be...supposed to be doing. It kind of makes sense to me...but still puzzles me at the same time.

I dont know what to do or where to go with this...