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Wake up naked, drinking coffee, making plans to change the world...while the world is changing us...
Written at 8:34 a.m. on Friday, Feb. 13, 2009

I am starting to get itchy. Seriously, itchy.

Yesterday I sat here waiting for him. A call...a text...something. I knew he was getting off work at 8 am. and I ALWAYS hear from him in the mornings. By 10, I was getting itchy. A thousand thoughts running through my head. Where is he? What is he doing? Why havent I heard from him? I sicken myself sometimes. Truly...just sicken.

About 10:30 I am sitting here, all defeated, and I can hear various sounds outside. Its been really windy here. So I hear rustling...and my front door opens. Its him and I'm feeling a weight off. After he clears away all the corn husks from my doorstep, damn "Corn County", we sit and talk.

He's been making me nervous ever since a conversation that we had the other day. Stop putting me up here (holds hand high)...what are you going to do when you find out that I'm down here (holds hand lower)? He keeps talking something about sliced bread and its second coming. I understand what he is saying but I dont understand the context in which he is saying it. I told him that he makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. He assures me that I am not.

He thinks I am so nice and that things are going to change once the "honeymoon period" is over and everything isnt so "Puppy dogs and rainbows". Who's going to change?

The other day when we were at the grocery store, we were walking through and I couldnt find the tofu. The woman asked me what I was looking for. After she told me, I said "Thank you so much." And walked away. When I got to the end of the aisle, he was there and he said in this little voice Thank you so much." Almost like he was mocking me.

So later on last night we were sitting there and he was looking through his phone. He had a text from Sandee...Where is White Marsh at? I think so. It didnt bother me at first. It did this morning when he said he had errands to run and White Marsh Mall was one of them. I asked what he was getting. He looked at me and said I promise that by the end of the weekend you will know. Wonderful. I asked if it had anything to do with me...Uhhh....yeah. I am trying to sit back and not be the way that I was with Matt. I swear I am. But those neurotic voices just get me sometimes. I am trying so hard.

Obviously I know that he likes me and cares about me. He tells me! He even brought up that he called in to work last night so that he could spend the night with me...and that he didnt have to but wanted to be with me. I thought that was cute. He didnt have to do that. I realize that. I do. And when I asked him if I'd see him on Valentine's Day, he just kind of said I thought we talked about this the other just need to decide if we are going out and going to the movies...I'm thinking He's Just Not That Into You...or if I am going to cook something for you and we stay in with a movie.

Ok...I officially need to bring it down a notch...or ten. As I was sitting here writing this, he walked in from getting his tire changed (he blew one on the way out here yesterday). He said that he didnt have time to wait for the tire so he did a little shopping and came back. He brought back all kinds of stuff...chips (because I mentioned I had a craving for salt and vinegar chips), eggs (because I mentioned I forgot eggs the other day and it was the only reason I got potatoes), sausage, onions (because I mentioned that I wasnted a pack of already chopped onions), mushrooms (because I mentioned how the tofu stir fry would have been better with mushrooms). I really need to watch what I do and say. I DO NOT want to mess this up. He amazes me every day.

And its just so hard NOT to treat him like sliced bread when he acts like it. If he keeps being sweet to me...I'm going to call him sweet. I wouldnt call a duck a rooster.