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Written at 12:58 p.m. on Thursday, Feb. 19, 2009

I woke up feeling a little blah this morning. As always...just a sinking feeling.

Yesterday after he got here, he decided to sleep for a little bit. He had to leave by 6-ish so he asked that I get him up at 4. When i went to wake him up, I asked him if he wanted me to let him sleep for a little bit. He said No, then I wont get to spend any time with you. I thought that was adorable.

we arent spending any time together today and I dont think that we will tomorrow either. He's taking on more hours at work for his trip to Florida next month. He doesnt even mention me going anymore. He used to...so I'm just not sure what to say about that.

Things are going good with him though. I am just sitting back and letting it go at a more natural pace. I have a tendancy to push too hard sometimes. I dont want to do that with him.

I appreciate that he goes out of his way, almost everyday, to come up here and spend time with me. I just wish we got out more and did more things outside of this house. Its hard when he comes here between 9-10 am and sleeps til 4 or 5...then has to get ready for work shortly after that. I jut dont want it to get like it was with Matt...we didnt have a life outside of my house.

Right now, even I dont have a life outside of this place. Its really getting old looking at this place. I dont want to turn into an agoraphobic or something, but the weather scares the crap out of me. I am not sure why. Most of the snow is gone already. I am so afraid of slipping on some ice or something like that. I just shake like crazy from the cold on what is called the "warmer days" out here. I think tomorrow I am going to get out and see my grandmother and maybe get some small shopping done.

My cousin's oldest daughter called me this afternoon. She asked what I was doing tonight. Nothing as usual. Good, I'm coming over...text me your address. She said that she has a job for me. I do need to get out. Gawd, I hope we go somewhere.

Life here is boring. It's better than California...but still boring...and cold.

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