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I know you love me and soon you will were meant for me...and I was meant for you...
Written at 8:42 a.m. on Friday, Mar. 13, 2009

Its been a good far.

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. It was Tom asking if I wanted to have coffee. This is becoming a regular every morning thing that we have. I really like it. It starts my day off right. He's trying really hard to get things straight. This morning he comes in an tells me that he grabbed my trash bin from the end of the drive-way...and gave me this neat little screw-driver thingie he picked up for me. He also gave me money for my oil change. He knows I am going through some financial issues with my school. Basically, I've been living off the money that was given to me for school, so now my school is asking for their money...and I just dont have it. So he tells me this morning that if I can hold off until April 7th that he will give me the money to give them. We're taling $2080. Not small change. I told him that if he can, I will pay him back as soon as I can. He told me that I dont have to...because he offered, it wasnt me asking. I'd just feel better about it if I did.

On his way out to work, he hugs me and tells me that he is trying to make everything right and if I find someone before he does that its his loss...but that he is trying. He says that its just the kids that is holding him there...nothing else. I love this man...I know that. I might even spend forever waiting. He is like noone that I've ever met in my life. While we were talking he got a call from his friend. I guess he had just taken a bunch of Percocet's and was contemplating some very bad things. But that is the kind of guy Tom is...he told the guy that he will be over there soon and that he can come back to his house and stay there for a while. He was always like this in high school. He was the one always trying to be there for everyone and help solve their problems. I think he has Wounded Bird Syndrome too.

So I am just sitting here streaming KIIS fm. My local radio station back in California. Ryan Seacrest in the mornings is a good thing. I missed Ryan's Roses. For those who dont know what that is...its a way to bust your man. Basically they have someone call your man, while you're listening, and they tell him that his name was drawn to receive a dozen roses for free and they ask who to send it to. Nine times out of ten, its not the girlfriend or the wife that he says. I love trainwrecks in the morning.

Today I have to get my oil changed. Tom called our friend from high school and told him I was coming in and to give me the Tommy Special. So its super cheap...and he paid for it.

I've thought several times this morning aboiut how if things hadnt shifted the way that they did that I would be driving down to Fort Lauderdale this morning. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason...this being no different. And there is a reason that "Big M" and I arent together anymore. Looking back I can see a million red-flags that I just didnt see at the time. For instance, when my best friend, Patty, came up last weekend. He was sleeping in my bed and it was late and I went in there to go to bed. As I climbed in and put my arm around him and kissed him, he says to me You should get your friend. WTF? He wanted my friend to come in and join us. Seriously? I have known this girl since we were 12 years old and she is like a sister to me. That grossed me out. Totally.

Which something like that would really have my neurotic flag waving high in the future with him. I'd be afraid to bring any of my girlfriends over in fear that we'd have this conversation again. I do miss him...but I have to let all unhealthy things go. There is no room for it in my life and I do not need to start any unhealthy habits here. Its about that clean, fresh start.

I need to get up to see my grandmother soon. If not today, then within the next couple of days. I know she's having a hard time with everything. Tom mentioned going to the grocery store for her sometime next week. I want to be there to help her out with things more often. She is my only grandparent left and I know that even a little bit taken off her plate will mean alot to her. She really does have a weight on her that an 80+ year old woman just should NOT have on her.

I am also thinking that this weekend I may do something that I have never done in my entire life...go to the movies alone. I think it will be nice for me to get out and there are a few movies that I want to see while they are still here. And this movie theater is insanely easy for me to get in and out of.

So that's my plan for today...