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Written at 2:18 p.m. on Friday, Mar. 20, 2009

Wow...I keep letting days judt pass without so much as a word here. I gotta get better at that.

So dinner the other night with "New Mike" was great. This guy and I just totally click. And he is hott...yes, hot with two T's. Oh mo goodness. He ended up leaving at 5:00 in the morning on Wednesday. Just as I was getting texts from "Big Mike". I wasnt really caring to be honest with you. So my dinner with "New Mike" was good and boy can he cook his ass off. I have to admit...there is something sexy about a guy in the kitchen and this guy definately has it.

So when he left I had a little time to lay down for a while before going to the funeral home for two viewings. It wasnt as bad as I thought it might be. I saw alot of people I hadnt seen for years. I know something like this is supposed to be sad, but I felt so happy surrounded by my family. They just cover me with a blanket of love that makes me feel so warm.

Everyone, because these were old(ER) people kept calling me by my mother's name thinking I was her. I think my mother felt it a compliment and loved it. I am still hurting seeing my grandmother in so uch pain. While I was there, I got a text from "New Mike"...Just wanted to send you a hug...and tell you I was thinking of you...Have a nice day. When I got back to the house, we talked on the phone a bit. I have a bit of a blind spot sometimes that doesnt let me see right in front of my face. He said that he was a little "let down" that I didnt talk to him on the phone when he left here and was driving home. All I could do was apologize and tell him that I am still figuring out my "place" in this relationship. I never know what kind of girl I should be. So we talked about things...and he's digging me...and I'm digging we're just going to see where this goes.

He did mention that he wants me to meet his roommate and the roommate's girlfriend. Which I take as a very good sign. He said that it wont be until Wednesday probably. I told him that the million dollar question when will I see him again. So he invited me over to his house tonight. He said I can come over Friday or Saturday...or both.

So this morning started with a bunch of texts from "Big Mike". Tom was here when I was getting them. They both dont like each other and are pointing the "tool" finger at each other. I did talk to "Big Mik" on the phone after Tom left and he said that he would call me at around 4:00 today.

I spent the earlier part of the day at the funeral service for my great-aunt. The service was nice and there wasnt a dry eye. My grandmother broke down crying at one point and my heart just snapped in two right then and there. My uncle was walking with me in the grass, making sure I didnt fall, and he started talking to me about things. He was telling me that he knows that I didnt have the best childhood and I havent exactly had a mother and father in my life, but if I give him the chance that he would love to be there for me to try to fill the void. He is my godfather and now I've been adopted again.

Well, since I have been writing this I received a phone call from Matt. He sounded very choked up when I first started talking to him. He was telling me that he wanted to get to me before I saw the news. The builkding that he works in blew up. I guess there was a problem with the water heaters and the whole building just blew up...with two of his co-workers inside. One of whom I have heard his name several times. I found the article at the Register online. News Article Its so sad to think that it could have been him I am reading about. I wouldnt have been able to handle it. I wouldve lost my mind.

This has just been a tough week.