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The windows of my soul are made of one way glass...dont bother looking into my eyes, if there's something you wanna know...just ask...
Written at 6:33 p.m. on Tuesday, Mar. 31, 2009

I havent really gotten much more accomplished today. I am meeting up with my uncle tomorrow morning to get some kind of game plan going. I need to get something going here. And fast. The sooner the better.

I ended up not going to my grandmother's house today. I called her to let her know that I was running behind and she told me that she wasnt really feeling all that well. So I told her that I would come over tomorrow instead. I hope tomorrow doesnt get too crazy and I dont run out of time to do the things that need to get done. I did want to get up to her house today so I could take out her trash for her.

I did talk to Tom a little today. I was starting to take it a little personally that he is repeatedly telling me that he is going to do something...but doesnt. I talked to him on the phone for about 10 mins until my uncle called. He had to get to work anyway. I am still waiting to hear back.

I did get a random call from "New Mike". I say random because every call from him is kind of random. I would think that by now I would hear from him on a little more of a regular basis. I know that when I am interested in someone, that I call on a regular basis...or somewhat regular. Just a random call in the middle of the day...or a simple text message...would be appreciated. I keep hearing that its just a "man thing"...that some of them do the every couple of days contact thing. I dont like it but whatever. I left him a message yesterday and he's just calling me today.

We did talk a little in depth today. Its not the first time he's asked me about moving to California...or about moving back to Maryland. He doesnt understand why I did either. I moved to California because I was 19 and needed to live a little. I did tell him about my frail relationship with my mother and how I moved to California because she kicked me out of her houe at 18. I also told him that I chose to come back to Maryland to be closer to my family and how I worried that being sick if something happened to me...there would be noone there. and how that thought petrified me to pieces. I think he understood...a little bit. He always says Just asking you. I told him tonight, and I've told him in the past, he can ask whatever he wants to know. I am an open book and will open and honestly tell him anything that he wants to know. I wasnt lieing to him when I told him that I shoot straight from the hip. I have no drama...no skeletons...and no secrets. I mean really...I have many years of my life written here and have been honest about every last word. I also told him that I appreciate him asking because that means that he cares enough to ask and that he cares enough to know the answer.

As always, it came down to me asking So when can I see you again? Just once I'd like him to ask me. He doesnt say anything about getting togethere until I come right out and ask him. I am not entirely sure about his past or what he has gone thorugh, but I am hoping that one day he will be open and honest like I am being with him. I still feel like I dont know much because he's always asking about me. Maybe thats his goal...to get the spotlight off him and on to me. I'd like to see him in the hotseat every now and then. But I am comfortable enough with him to tell him anything that he wants to know. He knows that he just needs to ask me and he'll get an answer.

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Willing to Fight V.2 - song by Ani Difranco

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