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Come here...pretty please...can you tell me where I am...you...wont you say something...I need to get my bearings...I'm lost...and these shadows keep on changing...
Written at 11:09 p.m. on Sunday, Apr. 12, 2009

First...Happy Easter!

Its been a pretty good weekend. I didnt really do anything of significant importance Saturday. That was my "go nowhere, do nothing...perhaps some laundry day". It was kind of boring...to say the least.

Yesterday, Sunday, was fun though. I went to my uncle's house and met his wife's family. I have got to admit...they are a little bit cooler than our side of the family. Not that there is anything wrong with our side or anything. But these people were fun. We had dinner and laughed and joked. After dinner, we played this game...I think its called Apples and Apples. And I loved it. Everyone was so friendly and pleasant to be around.

Its really nice to have that sense of family back in my life. I was lost out in California without it. I appreciate all of those holidays that Becca let me tag along with her family to. But there really is nothing like your own family. The people who've known you since birth. I like hearing the stories..."We had Tracey over one night while we were babysitting and she crawled into or clothes basket and fell asleep." Or of course what a good baby I was and how I never gave anyone a hrd time. I guess I was complacent as a child too.

I did talk to "Big Mike" for a little bit when I got home. It seems that a couple of IP addresses in Maryland keep popping up on my site meter and I cant say that I'm not a little concerned by them. I noticed that there was one the other night in Baltimore and the time was a 3-minute difference from when he IM'd me...so I assumed that it had to be him. The location, the timing...it just fit. He swears that it wasnt him and is actually insulted that I would think it was him. My bad...heaven forbid that I say something that I regret to him, right. He did mention that comment when I said that I was sorry that I said it...he said, Ok, I get it...I know how it feels to wish I hadnt said something.

Seriously though. I dont really care who it is out there reading here. After all, I do put it out there for anyone to read. I have to expect that. I just wish that whomever it is would leave a message, even anonymously, in my guest book. I really dont want to lock up here, but they are hitting a little too close to home here. And I know that this person intentionally set out to find me...it wasnt just a coinsidence that someone from Maryland stumbled across here.

I did get a message from "New Mike". I missed his call while I was out yesterday. I really would have liked to have talked to him. I called him back, left a message...his turn. I really wish things were different, less awkward, with him. I wish he believed me. I didnt have a reason to lie...and I didnt.

It still amazes me how differently things are out here and how much of a different person I am here. Things dont eat at me like they did in California. I dont let them. It all rolls of my back out here. It just doesnt stick to me like it used to. Its pretty drama-free around here and I like it that way. Sure, I get a little turned around by people every now and then out here...that's just going to happen from time to time. But I just keep turning back around...and I dont stop.

I do need to get out a little more around here. I get a little less scared ever day. Its also finding someone to get get out with. I only get scared because, really, I am just that far in the middle of nowhere. Evetually I would like to see myself in a different area..eventually. For now...this works.

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