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I miss the sound of your voice...I miss the rush of your skin...
Written at 8:23 a.m. on Saturday, Apr. 18, 2009

Its the weekend...but when youre not working every day feels like a weekend. I really need to get an active life out here. I might be starting to. We'll see.

So, I didnt really get anywhere with the people from Johns Hopkins. I am starting to think when you have that name behind you, you think you can treat people that dont have insurance with a "snobbish" attitude because youre with one of the best hospitals in the country. They couldnt see me for OVER two months and wanted to charge me $675 to see someone. Dude, I just need your signature. So my...wait for this...father's sister's husband's sister (would have been easier to just say aunt) is going to take care of it. She called me yesterday to invite me out with her to my other aunt's house. We were talking about the doctor thing and she said, I work with all kinds of doctors...we'll get this done without all that fuss. These people continue to amaze me...over and over.

Yesterday was fun though. I just had to get up out of here for a little bit. First, I needed to get out and go take of that damn drug test. While I was out, I decided to go do some "girly" things that I have really missed. I went and got my nails done and my eyebrows waxed. How do you say uni-brow in Vietnemese? Kidding. It wasnt that bad. But it could have gotten there eventually.

After that, I got a call from my friend "W". He wanted to meet up so I decided that we should go to that place near my house for some pool. Well, when I got there the place was packed...and well, neither of us really drink. So we went and had dinner. It was really nice. He is an interesting guy. Very driven and has nice goals in life. I like that about him. He's also very sweet and endearing. I need more people like that in my life...they tend to keep me in line with my own goals. I need that. At the end of "our date", we sat there for like an hour in the parking lot in my car just talking. He wants to come over Tuesday. I'd really like that.

I woke up this morning, amazingly early, and have just been here listening to a playlist of music that I put together while I clean my house. I love the music...but its had me thinking about "New Mike" alot this morning. I really do miss him. Dont get me wrong, we still talk. We talked last Wednesday after my trip back from Virginia. So he's still there...but he's just not there. I dont see him...I dont even ask him anymore when I can see him again. Which I do want to see him again, dont get me wrong. But I keep re-playing back that conversation we had where he thought that I was sleeping with someone else. I really wasnt. Still am not. But how do you get someone to understand the truth when they just dont want to hear it because their mind is already made up? It goes back to the whole "ice skating uphill...backwards" thing. Pretty hard to do...if not impossible. But I do miss him. I really do wish he was more in the picture than he is. I really enjoyed the time that I did get to spend with him. I wish he had more time available to be spent. There I go wishing again.

It was strange...yesterday I got a call from "Big Mike". I guess he was on his way to Reagan National Airport in Arlington, Virginia to pick up a cousin. I guess that is even farther than Dulles, which I thought was far already. So anyway, we're talking and he asks me about Sunday and why I am not sure if he can come over or not. Well, first I have plans with the aforementioned aunts. Secondly, I dont like the way that he talks to me. We were online the other day chatting while he was at work and he said something to me...I wanna come over there Sunday and (fill in the blank) you. And well, lets just say that there was nothing sweet or romantic about it. I dont require someone to talk to me and treat me like a delicate flower...but really, you dont need to talk to me like a whore either. And that is kind of how I felt after that. Like he doesnt look at me like he used to, if he even did, and now he sees a friend with benefits. And well, I am just not down for that...especially not with him.

Dont get me wrong, I have met a lot of different kinds of guys out here. And believe me when I say that they are all different. Extremely. Some very nice and sweet and some just not so much of either. And while some of them have been the "typical" guy...none of them have been outright disrepectful to me. I'm usually pretty good at spotting the guy who just wants to have sex. I cant fault a guy for wanting that...thats just a basic human need for most men. Its just all about the presentation about it. A guy doesnt need to be vulgar and abrasive about it. Thats just never attractive to a girl. Well, I guess some girls are okay with that...just not this girl.

Oh, did I mention this little "care package" that I got from Matt the other day? I thought that it was so sweet and thought out. It had a bag of pistaccios (I know that is not spelled right, but whatever)and a capri sun...and a little "special" present. He even threw in $10. He keeps throwing me off balance when this little thoughtful side of him comes out. I can see that he put a lot of thought into this package. I wish he had been like this when we were together. He truly is one of my best friends. I hate that things turned out the way that they did. But I love that despite all of the bad shit that he's done, I can look past that and be his friend. He'll always have a friend here.

Have I rambled on long enough or what? Its definately the coffee...