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The things you never did...'cause you might die trying...
Written at 9:18 p.m. on Tuesday, Apr. 21, 2009

Today is my very last free day. Tomorrow I am joining the world of the employed. The time went by so quickly. I would kill for even one more day. I am not ready for it to be tomorrow.

I am a little worried and nervous about tomorrow and how things are going to go. I havent been feeling my best and want so badly to feel good on my first day. I will just have to see how if goes. I know its more about me worrying about it that is doing the worst. I keep reminding myself that I have been to this place once before so I know the ins and outs of the place. I shouldnt be worrying about it.

I get so mad. Every time I talk to my mother, she says the same thing This job is going to be roo much walking for you...youre going to have a hard time. I just keep telling her that its just something that I have to at least give a good college try. If I keep the mindset that I can or cant do...then I've determined the outcome before I could even see what might even happen. A self-fullfilling prophecy.

I did hav ecompany over for a little bit tonight. This was a new friend that I hung out with Friday night. I invited him over to just hang out. I'm not sure what the problem was. I think my mind was mostly on tomorrow and whats going to happen. Whatever it was, I just wasnt so in to this person as much as I was Friday night. He had this southern manner to him that I didnt see tonight. He was definately a little too touchy feely for my liking. Like I said, it could have just been that my head wasnt in the right place tonight. I am trying to not do the wrong things like I had been...but I still feel like an ass. He texted me I'm sorry about 10 minutes after he left. I would like to see him one more time just to see if it wasnt there because it just wasnt there...or if it was me.

I am ready to go to sleep...and get tomorrow over and done with. Ugh!