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She got the call today...one out of the grey...and when the smoke cleared...it took her breath away...
Written at 2:22 p.m. on Friday, May. 29, 2009

I know its been a couple of days and I probably should have been here sooner...I do have a lot to say this time.

I did get a call out of the blue the other day. This is why I dont want to get a new cell phone number...everyone knows this is the one place that they can definately reach me. It was my friend, Eddie. He was one of my contacts at the environmental consulting company that I worked for...thanks to Miss Angel. He was calling to tell me that one of the guys, he was my supervisor, had died. I guess he had died in his sleep, in a Heath Ledger kind of way, Sunday morning. That was so sad to hear. He was such a nice guy. I know that he had his issues and had his demons that he was dealing with and to some people this wasnt surprising...but it still makes it so very sad. I can still hear him calling me Tray-mon. He had a very bubbly personality that will be soarly missed.

I started thinking to the tarot reading that I got a month or so back. She told me that I would hear news of a death and that it would be someone around my work area. She did think it would be someone that I had dated, but I didnt date this guy. Aside from that, everything else was right.

Of course talking with other people that I worked with, another guy that had died a few years back had come up in conversation. I still miss him too. Its just a lot harder when its an unexpected, sudden death.

Yesterday, one of my friends came over to hang out for a little bit. It was kind of a short visit...so there's not too much to tell.

This morning my aunt came over. She is too cute for words. She brought all these cute little pictures for my house. The were mostly little inspirational pictures that said things like Faith, Love, Believe and so on. They all had the Japanese theme that I have in my house. She also helped me get some things done around the house. Just random things mostly. She did bring me a neat little shoe rack thingie. I think its cute. She does way too much for me though.

I think tomorrow that new guy is coming back over. I've decided to give him another weekend's worth of trying to get things right again...so he puts it. Saturday night we are going back to the restaurant for bar trivia...then Sunday he wants to go to the movies to see Land of the Lost. So we'll see how it all goes. I mean, he is a very nice guy and we get along really well and he's super cute and all...I just wouldnt mind him being a little brighter in that department. I know that most men arent in general.

Speaking of dim lights, I got an email from "Big Mike" the other day. It just said I hope everything is good with you. So I wrote him back and said that it was and that I didnt fully understand why he was emailing me since he was the one who said that he was going to leave me alone. So he wrote me back saying I just saw you there so I figured I'd say hi. I didnt stop liking you, Just thought I would make things easier. As long as I see you Im gonna wanna sleep with you and I cant keep doing that to you.

I just told him that it doesnt hurt me that I see him or talk to him...or even sleep with him, at least not in the way that he thinks it does...but that I cant start any sort of new relationship with someone else if I'm still sleeping with him. And that it did hurt that I wanted to still have a friendship with him and he couldnt do that. I just dont understand cutting off ties with someone simply because they cant sleep with you anymore. I wasnt even asking to still see him face to face, but to still have him to talk with on the phone or when I see him online. Maybe that is a naive thing to think of on my part. Who knows? Either way, it was just me trying to be friendly and keep things friendly. I dont like any tension or ill feelings with anyone. But I am beyond trying to salvage a friendship out of him. Some things just arent worth the effort or the headache, I suppose. I thought he was...but alas, I see that I was wrong...again.

SO that is it at the moment. Its Friday night and my house is spotless and I am ready to start my weekend with this new guy...not sure what we'll call him. Just glad that he's not another Mike. Anyway, he gets off work at midnight tonight so I'm not sure if he's coming tonight after work or sometime tomorrow.

That might be nice to know....

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Closer To Love from Mat Kearney on Vimeo.

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