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Written at 12:15 p.m. on Monday, Jul. 20, 2009

Ahh, I survived another weekend...barely.

Friday night, "Big Mike" came up here. It surprised me that he wanted to. Ok, not really. There are two wants to get into this real estate thing and is looking to borrow some money...two...he is always looking to have sex. He got neither. Patty came down just before he was going to leave here for work. He ended up calling in to work and we ordered dinner in. He even went out to buy the stuff to make shrimp for us all. Sounds nice. Wish the night had stayed that way. He saw something on my computer that I didnt want him to see...and had we all not been drinking he wouldnt have. So he said that he needed to grab something out of his car and would be right back...and he took off. I cant exactly say that I am bothered by this. I jut would have respected him more had he been able to man-up nd say he was leaving instead of just slipping out like the loser that he is.

Saturday, I went to my cousin's daughter's graduation party. It was a blast. My family makes me so happy to be here. I spent most of the time on the deck talking to a guy that has been friends with my family for like forever. He makes me so happy...and so sad...when he talks about my dad. It is nice to hear someone saying all these nice things about him...but its still a little bit of a sore spot for me. I am not sure it will ever not be. I think about him on a daily basis when I get up in the morning and realize that it was all a dream and I really am stuck in this...this...useless shell of a body. I wonder what he thought about every morning when he got up. What went through his mind? He gave up though. He let this disease hold him down and keep him down. I dont function that way. I cant.

Sunday, "Married Guy" came over for a little bit. He didnt stay that long because something with his wife popped up and he had to go pick her up from work. I think its time that I start to slowly distance myself from him. I dont need to get all tangled up in this. I am still tryoing to get untangled from the mess that Patty has me in with this one guy...her high school boyfriend that she wanted to reconnect with. He's married and it turns out that his wife is a friend of mine that I grew up with. So now everytime one of them has issues with the phone rings. And I dont need the drama.

Later in the afternoon I was talking with my grandmother. She is upset that my mother still hasnt come to get some stuff out of her garage. Its been sitting there since March. Its really bothering my grandmother and she asked if I could call my mother and see if she still wants it. Its holding her back from getting things finished. Their stories dont match...but I understand why. I am not exactly sure what my mother is on...but its something. And we all know it. So when I started asking her about it, she said Its none of your fucking business...none...I am the mother and you are the daughter...know your place...its none of your business. Well, mother or not I had to stand up to that one. I am not a confrontational person...I hate it. But if someone wants to lunge at me like that...I lunge back. You're the mother? Who's mother? Not mine. I havent seen you or talked to you in months...and you're ten minutes down the street and you cant do either. I know that I shouldnt have said that, but it just came out. Its how I feel. I call her and she cant talk...she says she'll call back but never does. Then she started yelling at me for having her sister call there a few weeks ago. I aunt wanted to talk to my stepfather since they have a mutual friend that had a stroke and is in the hospital. So when my stepfather put my mom on the phone and I told her where I was...Put her on the phone...and they talked for like half and hour. But I am bad for having my aunt call? My mother's perception of reality is slightly askew say the least.

So my friend came down from Pennsylvania a little later. We droe to a couple of liquor stores for Tequila Rose. The first was sold out...someone that went to a graduation party the day before had come in and bought it all up. Hmmm. This stuff is amazing. It looks and tastes like a strawberry milkshake. Looks like peptobismol...but tastes amazing. So we took shots had dinner here. Was a lot of fun.

So here I am today. I really need to get moving. I have to hit the grocery store to pick up a few things to take my my grandmother's house today.