Written at 1:54 p.m. on Monday, Mar. 22, 2010
I always seem to find myself back here. Its a strange little comfort for me I suppose. It always there for you...and you can say whatever is on your mind.
Things had been getting better there for a while. Perhaps I can start fromj the beginning on this one. I kinda need to get it out and it just helps for some reason to do it here.
I had met someone who was fantastic. Amasing. I met him Superbowl Sunday and we spent the night at his friends house. Odd, I know. I had just met him that day...but thats how I roll. Isnt the first time I've done something off-beat like that. Strangers dont seem to scare me for some reason. I am good at feeling people out, I guess.
Even when we had those double-blizzards here for that two or three week period, he would come pick me up and take me to his house for a few days. Just kept telling me, "I would feel better if you were with me...I wouldnt worry". He was really awesome like that. Just did things because he "wanted to do things" for me.
He is a bigger guy who had the stomache surgery and was losing weight. So, at first, I kinda went in to it with a "He's gonna lose more weight" attitude. It concerned me at first...then his personality just took over and he became this handsome man who was so good to me. Whatever I wanted...I got. And we communicated so well. But that is always just a honeymoon period that eventually wears off. Just didnt think it would wear off so quick. And I am not exactly sure what happened.
Last week, he just started acting differently. A little touchy about things. We argued last week about something that was totally stupid. It was about our plans for the weekend, but I was surprised that our visit to his family's was this weekend. It didnt change anything since we have spent every weekend together for almost two months straight. He just got upset and said, "I have told you the 20th for two months and now youre going to play stupid". Wow. I just kept telling him it was miscommunication and ws no big deal. He kept yelling and telling me not to come. Whatever. Then he told me to come. Whatever.
So I went down there against my better judgement and thought I would keep face with his family since they were told I was coming. His sister has been looking forward to meeting me.
I never went to meet his family.
As we were getting ready, he had to run out to his car to get a lint brush for me. On his way out, his dog somehow must have gotten in. This dog slobbers and licks your pants. A great big Golden Lab. So when he came in, I asked nicely if he "could make sure the door is closed when he goes out so the dog cant get in". You would have thought that I just shot the dog or something. He blows up yelling at me telling me how this relationship shouldnt go any further because I cant deal with his dog. My problem, that I kept explaining, was I was going to meet his family and I wanted to look nice...at my best...and not have dog slobber on my pants". Didnt think that was a big deal.
Then he brought up how I was standing over him the other day watching what he put in our dinner as he cooked it. Okay, he was making pizza...and he put an ENTIRE package of cheese, peperoni, ham, chicken, onion, mushroom and green peppers on it. Sounded GREAT until I look over and he is adding sliced Kraft cheese on top. So I inquired about it. I told him to please not put it on my piece. Again, I explained that every piece of food I put in my mouth has a physical effect on me because of the MS. So I have to know what is and be careful that I dont eat the wrong things. And that was wrong for me. If food effects me, then I have every right to want to know what is going in to my food.
Our argument ended with him slamming his fist so hard on his desk and telling me to leave. Now, I should explain that this man has hands that are twice the size of mine. I took a picture of our hands together and everyone thinks its an adult holding hands with a child. So when he hit that desk, i knew it was the end. I am glad he hit the desk and not me.
What I forgot to mention was he lives in the basement of a house with his mother, so when he walked me out she was right there. I wanted to hide. I hate people hearing my arguments. I remember Curt yelling so loud that I would have to close the windows.
I just remembered the night I met him and his friend telling me, "He really is a great guy". I think that great guy got up and left and flipped the script on his way out. Because what it comes down to is this...it was his personality that made me attracted to him and able to see past the weight. But when he acted like that...he was just a fat guy with anger issues in my eyes.