Written at 10:32 p.m. on Thursday, Aug. 05, 2010
So, I am not entirely sure why I even wanted to make this entry. I have so much to say...but cant bring myself to even scratch the surface. So I may even be a little general and broad about things. Paranoia much?
So I am still talking and hanging out with "TheMan". I call him that mostly because he is the best example of one that I have had in a long time. And he keeps giving me more reason to think that every time I see him or talk to him.
There are circumstances involved that would normally have me a neurotic basketcase. But they really arent bothering me...too much. Not going to lie...there are moments. It kinda doesnt make sense to me. I cant even explain this man's character. He just shocks me a little more every time we hang out. He's either just that good...or he's one hell of an con-artist and has really pulled one over on me. So everytime I start going off path, I just think and wonder if this even sounds like something in his make-up.
I havent been this emotionally open and raw since Matt. Its totally apples and oranges, I know. But if I dont let the walls down again, I will never know fully. I have been keeping everyone at a distance and running them off if they get too close. I cant do that forever. So I am going to go at it with walls down and see what happens. I have been numb for so long it will be interesting to see what "feeling" even feels like.