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Everyday is a winding road...
Written at 11:39 p.m. on Thursday, Feb. 06, 2003

What a nice relaxing evening it has been. I sure needed that.

"MsMoHoney" and I went and rented some dvd's. One that I just had to have was Sweet Home Alabama. I had alread saw it in the theater months ago, but couldnt resist it.

Watching that movie makes me think about home...alot. And it makes me re-evalute my situation with going back home.

Part of me loves it here, yet the other part wants to run away from here and never look back. I miss my family, my home. My heart will always belong in Baltimore.

I have my ten year reunion coming up in a few months. I cant beleive I am that old already. The past ten years have just flew by. I dont know what happened with them. Last thing I remember was getting on the plane, coming to California for a two week visit, then never taking that return flight home. Everything after that day has become a blur.

My family has really been pressuring me to come back. And I wouldnt consider going just because of their pressure. It would be for me. Because I have come to realize that I need that.

When I went back for the holidays, I learned some very important lessons. For so long I have felt so alone out here. I dont have any family out here except for an aunt who treats me like an employee, not a niece. And going back, opened my eyes to all the support I have back there.

And at this point in my life, with all that has changed in the last year, I really need that emotional support. Just to know that someone is pulling with me.

Its kinda like running towards something only to get to that destination and realizing you were where you wanted to be all along. Now I fear its going to be a long journey back.

But as they say...A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.