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When you'd cry I'd wipe away all of your tears, when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
Written at 8:36 a.m. on Thursday, Apr. 03, 2003

You really dont want to know how bad my night was last night...but I am going to tell you anyway. It was really bad.

When I got home last night, he wasnt there. Three hours later, I realized that he wouldnt be coming home before he went to work. About a half an hour after I came to the conclusion, he called. He was calling me drunk from some bar. The conversation started out okay, but ended with us both yelling at each other.

He keeps telling me that I deserve so much better than him. That he cares about me more than he cares about himself. That he cant let anyone close to him again because he's been hurt too badly. That I am only going to end up hurt in the long run because he cant give me what I deserve.

After that conversation, I called "MsTornado" and she came and picked me up. We headed over to meet up with everyone at "Cheers". I was really having a good time. I saw people that I hadnt seen in a while. I was in a good mood. That is until he called...

Hey, whatcha doing?

Nothing, you?

Oh, nothing...hey, where are you at?

I'm at home.

No you arent, because I am at home and you arent here. Where are you?

What, cant hear you. (I could hear him)

Where are you at?

Ugh, I am at "Cheers".

When are you coming home?

Not sure, I came with "MsTornado" so I dont have my car with me.

I'll come get you.

You're drunk, I dont even know how you made it home.

Nah, I'll come get you.

Fine, but I want you to just come and get me, I dont want to hang out here.

Ok, that's fine.

Ok, I will be out front.

So, I was sitting out front waiting for him when I noticed him walking up to me. He wanted to go in for one drink. As if he needed any more. After arguing outside for 15 minutes I caved and said we could stay for one drink, but that was it.

Once we got inside, he made a disaster out of the rest of the night. He accused me of being up to something because I didnt want us to go inside. I just know from experience that him, my friends and "Cheers" dont mix very well. He also said he found it strange that for a place I say I never go to, the one he comes home he catches me there.

We sat at a table pretty much by ourselves for most of the night. Him drinking more than the one drink he promised and me begging (and eventually crying) to go home. He was making an ass out of himself. And the bartender, no matter what I said, didnt cut him off.

Of course, the arguing started in eventually. He was still adament that I was up to something, saying I thought he was stupid. Do I have 'Born in 1989' written on my forehead?" He's a really bad drunk.

When "Ms2inchman" went to leave she came over and said goodbye and gave me a hug. She turned to him and told him to take me home...or she would take me home with her. She was kidding. He responded by saying Maybe she will touch you, because she doesnt touch me. She doesnt come home from work and jump all over me. I knew that was still a problem with him. And I have been getting so much better about that. Or at least I thought so, but it appears its still an issue with him.

At one point, we were sitting at the table and he just got really quiet. He started talking about his kids and how much he misses them. Then he got quiet again and I think he might have even been crying. I didnt know what to say or what to do so I sat quietly with him. He looked at me with his look that I cant even begin to explain and said I wish I would have met you before you were with "MrApronStrings", before I met (ex-girlfriend)...before I had kids. We would be married and have a family of our own by now. Yeah, I wish that too.

So the bar finally closed and even then it was hard to get him out of there. I had to do alot of arguing and yelling (which I dont like to do) to get him out of there. Even the bartender came over and said we had to leave and he still putzed around and wouldnt leave. Finally, I just grabbed his drink, told him he was done and pushed him to the front door.

Which wasnt any better when we got outside because there were people out there and now he wanted to sit out front with everyone out there. By this time, I was beyond mad. Again, I had to push him to the car and almost force him to get in. Yeah, me 5'6...him 6'4. It took alot of effort.

So, four drinks and three hours later, (when he promised me one drink and ten minutes) we were finally on our way home. I drove his car and he was even being a pain in the ass about that. He wouldnt tell me how to unlock the doors or turn the headlights on. It was dark and I couldnt see. He just kept saying You're so smart, figure it out.

The drive home was really quiet...until he put a cd in and had to blast it. I was already having a hard enough time driving his big ass car (its not huge, its just alot bigger than mine) and the loud music wasnt helping.

We finally made it home. We had to park and walk through the gate. When we got to the gate, he hugged me and started in on how I deserve so much better and its only because he cares about me so much. We just stood there for about 5 mins hugging each other.

This morning when I woke up, I could feel the after-effects of last night. Why is it that he was the one drunk, but I have the headache? That's not right. So I gave him a kiss goodbye and asked if he would be home after work tonight because we need to talk. He said he would be.

A night like last night will never happen again.

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