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Coming out of the dark, I finally see the light now
Written at 4:03 p.m. on Friday, Feb. 28, 2003

I am determined to have a good weekend.

I feel really weird today. I cant put my finger on it, but just weird. I dont think its the pills because they take two weeks to take effect.

I keep trying to rationalize it with myself for starting to take these again. People take this very same medication to lose weight and stop smoking...I could surely use it for both.

As for things on the homefront, nothing new and different there. There a cloud of awkwardness that is hovering over my house, but I am sure it will pass soon. I just think neither one of us know exactly what to say. I think we are both sorry for the fight the other day, but I think we both truly stand behind what we said that night too.

And I dont understand it...because for someone who doesnt feel that he "needs to answer to anybody", he keeps me posted on what's going on alot. He just called my about 5 minutes ago and said that he was picking up his paycheck and might be home late if there is alot of traffic. He must have said four or five times, "Just wanted to let you know".

I am starting to trust him a little more each day. It will definitely take some time before its anywhere in the healthy zone.

So I think that I am going to go out tonight. Have some damn fun for a change.

P.S. I will definitely have one for YOU. Even if it is a cranberry with club soda because I cant drink.

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