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Cuz by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat...
Written at 10:42 a.m. on Friday, Jan. 31, 2003

TGIF, man!

I couldnt do another day if I tried.

So yesterday, "MrBigDaddy" met me only ten minutes late...not bad for him. He now lives to see another day.

It is so nice to have my car back. The only problem is for some reason my seatbelt no longer wants to retract. So I have to take it in to the dealership on Monday.

I really wanted to go out and do something last night, but I just wasnt up for it. "MsMoHoney" gave me my shot and it made me really sick. I started getting the chills really badly. I just couldnt stop shaking. Which in turn, made me very moody.

At one point, I snapped at "MrBigDaddy". He said he wanted to do some push-ups. Well, unless his idea of push-ups is to pace around the room wearing headphones that were louder than the tv, I am the one in the wrong here. I just grabbed my blanket and said I was going to go lay on the sofa. He didnt understand that I was sick and wanted to lay down and that I found it hard to do with someone pacing the room.

I usually dont get sick from the shots, but they do have some side effects. Then for some reason my eye started hurting. It felt like someone had punched me in the eye. I have an appointment Monday with the Opthamologist about it. I am falling apart!

Then at midnight, "MrLightening" called. I didnt answer it. He called my cell, then the house, then my cell again, then the house again. Finally, "MrBigDaddy" asked me if I wanted him to answer it because he knew it was "MrLightening".

So this morning I called "MrLightening" back. I tried to tell him that he should be looking for someone else, that I dont want to hold him back. But he started crying. And it wasnt one of those pathetic tears, it was genuine...and it broke my heart to listen to.

He just basically said that he is committed whether I am or not. I didnt know what to say to that. Here I was, at work! And it wasnt a good time to go into it. God, I am such a horrible person.

Then to top it off, "MrBigDaddy" called me. He wanted to let me know about a job he was offered...a 10pm-6am job. My response? NO. Acutally, I think it was more of a HELL NO! No way.

There is absolutely no way that is happening. There is no way I am going back to seeing him for only three hours a night. I am not going back to sending him off at 9pm again. To me, it would be no different than our relationship was the first time. Except this time it would be a job instead of another woman.

So he said that it is open for discussion and how I feel about it matters. He wants to sit down tonight and talk about it. Although, the way I see it is...its closed, there's nothing to talk about.

So yeah, ummm...this should be fun.