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Here I am, this is me, there's nowhere else on earth I'd rather be
Written at 9:11 a.m. on Sunday, Mar. 02, 2003

I have had a great weekend.

Yesterday, "MrZingers" called me and was a little upset. We ended up going for breakfast and just sitting there forever talking. He is great. He is one of the few friends that I have that I feel actually whole-heartedly listens to me. Most of them only listen long enough to turn the conversation back on them. That's ok, I am guilty of doing that too.

So we did some shopping and spent most of the day together. Which I think bothered "MrBigDaddy" a little. I dont think he is too fond of me having such a close guy friend. He is used to me having close friends like "Ms2inchman" or "MsAngelic", but its different when its a guy I suppose.

When I left yesterday morning, I told him that I was going to be gone for only an hour or two...but it was more like five. I figured he would be sleeping anyway, so no harm, no foul right? Well, he made a little mention of my lateness. I cant remember exactly what it was but it was something about being three hours late.

He got up and we went to have lunch and do some shopping. Remind me never again to take him to a store. Or out in public for that matter. As we were walking down one of the aisles, there was a lady stocking the shelves and he thought it would be absolutely hilarious to say very loudly, "Honey, did you get your depends?" It was so much worse than the time I went to Trader Joe's with "Ms2inchman" and she yelled, "Is that why you broke up with me? Is that why you cheated on me?"

I am only going out in public alone. Or at night.

Just as we were walking back in the door, "MsAngelic" called. Through no fault of her own, he heard her ask me, "Are things still awkward around the house?" (Remind me to keep my cell phone volume LOW) He kinda shrugged it off while she was on the phone, but for most of the night I got, "Let me get it, I dont want things to be too awkward for you". He made several references throughout the night.

Finally, I just looked at him and told him that I dont feel awkward with him and would he please stop. And then he did something that I didnt expect, he agreed with me. He told me how it was a bit awkward and how much he hates arguing with me too. And then we closed the subject.

Since he usually goes to bed at 7 am and I at midnight, we met halfway last night and went to sleep at 3 am. We just stayed up talking and having a blast. Actually, there were alot of things that came out last night that I feel better for now.

Like the letter. Every now and then he brings up that letter that I wrote him a long while back. Well over a year ago. He calls it "my Dear John letter". So I know that it bothers him (or at least bothered him at the time), because it comes up quite often. I asked him how he felt when he read it and he just said that he couldnt put the feeling into words. Then, after a little pause he said he felt disappointed. I was searching more along the lines of sad, hurt or angry...but I will take Disappointed for 200 Alex.

Actually, I kind of like disappointed. Because that means that he at least expected or hoped that things would have been different. That he felt let down by it.

So everyday it gets a little more stronger. Yesterday, "MrZingers" told me I should "run and not look back", but I cant. There is something magnetic about him. Something that I am just drawn to that makes me not want to let go.

And I like it.