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And I'm gonna keep on loving you, cuz its the only thing I wanna do
Written at 9:54 p.m. on Tuesday, Mar. 11, 2003

This day has had a very comedic tone to it. Although, I wasnt necessarily laughing along with it.

At about 10 minutes before I was due to get off work, I get a call from "MrBigDaddy". I expected him to be calling to let me know he was on his way, as I had asked him earlier to call me when he was on his way. But my assumption was wrong. He was calling to let me know that he couldnt start his car...he had a dead battery.

At first I had a feeling that I would be spending the night in my office, but one of my co-workers was nice enough to take me home and jump his car. When I got home, he kept apologizing profusely. I am starting to think that I scare him or something. He starting to say alot, "I was thinking to myself 'Tracey is going to be really mad at me'". And most of the time its things that are out of his control that I couldnt and wouldnt possibly be mad about.

The good part is that I now have my car back. And it runs just as good as it did the day I bought it. Maybe even better. I knew something wasnt right with it. It was making a strange sound. And just like I fear I am a hypochondriac with my health, I have the same issues with my car. "MrApronStrings" used to laugh at me, so I started not taking my car in for every little noise.

But this time I was right. Something about a belt and a pulley. I dont know much about cars except how to drive them...and even that is debatable.

We stopped on the way home and grabbed dinner. When we got home, he slept until it was time to go to work. This is where the fun really picked up. He got all dressed and ready to go...and couldnt find his keys. So we tore the house apart for almost a half and hour looking for them.

Finally, I found them...sitting right on the desk. He looked bummed that I found them. He told me I should have hid them. I told him that I am not that sneaky. When the real truth is, I am not that smart. DAMN! Five more minutes without them and he would have stayed home for the night.

So as he was leaving I thanked him again for taking me to and from the dealership and also for dinner. And wouldnt you know, he apologized again for the dead battery.

I am starting to get a clearer picture of him everyday. I think that he is so used to being the one to hold everything together that when it even slightly comes apart at the seams, he feels like its his fault...even when its not. His last ex was completely uncapable of doing anything for herself. He basically did everything for her. Part of me adores that trait in him, but the other part wants him to know I am not helpless like she was. I just want to give and take with him. Like a relationship should be.

I am trying to show him that dysfunction isnt the norm. But its like taking an animal that has been abused and getting them to trust again. All you can do is be loving and patient with them. Sometimes you will get bit out of fear.